Dream Journal: 2014-04-16.03

I know why I saw the Embroidered Man before as a male. He is like No-Man. Not male, not female, not gendered at all. But I required a gender to peaceably interact with “him” at the time, and male fit the bill for that role.

I bring up the gender, or lack of gender, because “he” appeared as “she” again. With a dress that Miss Frizzle would have heartily approved, the swirling paisley and teardrop pattern turned gently on the black velvet background.

We spoke a bit until I realized what was significantly odd about him. I could see his face. Kinda. Sorta.

Where before the face was always a void, a not-space, that I couldn’t focus on or even find a spacial boundary to, this time there was something to see.

Galaxies. Nebulae. Star clusters and supernovas. The depths of space moved within his face as if I was looking at a window to eternity.

“You’re staring.”

“My god, it’s full of stars.” I was smiling like a fool, but I couldn’t help myself. It was beautiful.

“There’s nothing new to see.”

“Sez the man with no face. This has been here all this time, but I couldn’t see it when we first met. I didn’t have the eyes to see then.”

He smiled. Of course, I didn’t actually see the smile, as there was only the sights of deep space in the area where his face should have been. “You see a little more, but you still see dimly.”

That wounded me. I’m not sure why. “But I still see a little more. Isn’t there some worth there?”

“You don’t see me.”

“I can’t. You don’t exist in three dimensional space. And I still use that framework even here. I don’t see No-Man, either. But I talk with him just the same. You are not what I see, or what I think I see. I know that. I understand that. You are not the name I first gave you, a name that is already in error because you are not a man, you are not male. And the embroidery on your clothes is just another way for me to recognize that part of you that you allow me to see. Dimly. Imperfectly. Symbolically.”

A star collapsed upon itself as I watched. In a breath, the shockwave passed through a dust cloud, disturbing it and creating a localized maelstrom. I blinked, and the maelstrom collapsed upon itself and ignited. A star is born.

I could sit here for eternity, watching eternity.

He smiled and patted my knee. “You have things to do.”

“Hey.” I grabbed his hand. “Years ago, at Club Kaaba, on opening night, you said I would never see you again. But you’re back.”

“The you I said that to, no longer exists. I spoke no falsehood. You are not the same person I said farewell to. Or you would not see what you do now.”

He slipped away and the ambient light darkened until only the light from the eternity of stars illumined me. He closed his eyes, and the void took me away.


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