So Friday evening I had a wild ride and a spot of adventure, and I really don’t want to go into all the details but let’s just say that the overriding theme of the evening is “Trust”.
Which is one of the things I have the damnedest of times doing.
I don’t trust anyone. People. Gods. Dogs. Nope. I’ve been burnt too many times to openly trust again. You want me to trust you? Prove yourself trustworthy to me.
Friday evening became one of those “Here’s some proof, bitch” moments. 63 minutes of driving through grue country in the ass end of a national forest is always invigorating when you just narrowly avoided getting crushed because a stupid driver decided to make a left hand turn from the far right lane, but doing so put you on the wrong road. Yea, sure, my GPS app was helping with the top-down view of the road I was on and when to turn next. But what the app wasn’t showing me was the OMFG I AM ON A GOAT’S ASS HAIR drop on either side of the road.
Cognitively, I knew the app was correct and what it was showing me aligned with what little I knew of the area.
Instinctively, I wanted to defy physics by turning around on the one lane road, backtracking where I last saw civilization, then calling some folks and telling them that I was relocating to that area effective immediately because there was no way I was going to make it home.
«Trust me.»
“You know, driving in Bum Fuck Nowhere is the abso-fucking-lutely last god damn place for me to be having this shit. Shut the fuck up, or get me out of here!”
«I’ll get you home. But you have to trust me.»
“… I WANT A TOKEN! RIGHT FUCKING NOW!”
«If you get the token, will you trust me?»
“I’ll think about it. I need to know this road is safe.”
«Okay.»
For this to be a highway, it is dotted with seemingly random signal lights. One such set catches me and I come to a full stop. A school bus makes a right turn in front of me so that it is leading me. According to my GPS app, there is no place for that school bus to turn off the highway for the next fifty miles.
What school bus, loaded with kids, is going to turn onto an unsafe road?
«Trust me?»
“Fuck you. Yes. I trust you. THIS TIME.”
And so the little convoy went. With the school bus in front, there was no pressure from the cars behind me to speed crazily on this twisting road through the mountains. Along the way, I had enough mental peace that I could reflect on other things and finally realized I was having one of those life lessons that I hear other people bitching about.
I still did not cognitively know where I was at, though.
Fifty miles later, it happened. The school bus came to a signal light at an intersection and turned off the highway while my app said to keep going straight. Fuck. There goes my metaphorical safety blanket.
Wait.
What’s that across the road?
It’s… hey… I KNOW THAT RESTAURANT!
I KNOW WHERE I AM!
I laughed like the crazy bitch I am as I drove through the intersection. I no longer needed the GPS app as I knew each inch of road between that restaurant and the interstate far below me.
I’m going to be okay.
“Thanks.”
«Just keeping my promise to you.»
~fast forward~
Saturday, I light a candle in recognition of my little adventure and the modicum of trust I was able to string together. The mass produced candle has a stated burn time of 3 1/2 – 4 hours and I have never seen its fellows burn longer than four hours. I lit it five hours before I needed to leave for a thing, just in case some candle shenanigans happened.
~montage of the day’s events go here~
T+4:15 I go to collect the remnants of the candle, except it is still lit. I should be surprised, but I’m not, because of who the candle is burning for. I expect some flamboyancy to be seen.
T+4:25 Why the hell does the candle still have an hour’s worth of wax left? I swear, it looks like the amount of wax increased. I do not like to snuff out candles that are dedicated to a thing/person/bastard/deity unless that is part of the working. I read how the candle burns as part of the feedback process, and snuffing one out without cause or preparation feels like an insult. Like I’m only giving half of what I promised.
«Trust me.»
“Fuck you. I have to go at [time].”
«You will. Trust me.»
“I’ll think about it.”
I continue finishing up the day’s events so I can leave on time. I keep an eye on the candle and note the wax is being used up still slower than expected.
T+4:45 “Look, this is really fucking with me. I have to leave at [time], and I’ll leave this going for another fifteen minutes, but if I have to blow it out, I’m going to feel guilty for it and you’re going to get to listen to me bitch about it all night.”
No response.
Fine.
Asshole.
T+4:55 I go into the room to blow it out, but remember I left something very important in another room. I better take care of that and make blowing out the candle the very last thing I do before walking out the door.
T+5:00 As the grandfather clock chimes the hour, I start towards the door of the room to blow out the candle and get my keys. I am over the threshold of the door when I look up at the candle just in time to see it self-extinguish.
The scent left behind by the cooling candle is one that can not be explained by any physical phenomena in the room.
I come to a halt in the doorway. It is not lost on me where I am standing.
«Trust.»
“Trust.”
I get my keys and go do the thing I had to do.
I’m quite sure this ride isn’t over yet.