I am done being afraid.
Yesterday morning, I had the epiphany that as long as I avoided the fear of encountering the black armored angel, then I would continue being terrified of the black armored angel. From our first encounter, they have demonstrated patience, concern, and benevolence. It is I who have ascribed ulterior motives, hostility, and aggression to their countenance.
Enough of this shit. Continue reading “Dream Journal: 2018-04-17.01”
In keeping with previous instructions, I had to up my meditation “game”. Now loathe to spend money on status symbols and unnecessary trinkets after the mindless indulgences of last year, last month’s “impulse” purchase of a well used mala was proving itself worthwhile as it kept my hands busy enough to allow my mind to shed itself of busy-ness.
And yet, somehow even with the assistance of a zafu cushion to stabilize my seating posture, I still fell asleep. I realized I had gone sideways in my morning meditation when I heard the clear voice coming from the space in front of me. Space that I knew was occupied by a large piece of furniture.
“Nice beads.” Continue reading “Dream Journal: 2018-04-15.01”
Yesterday, my mentor sat across from me in my office at work with the door closed and discussed official and personal matters. I kept my hands clasped on the desk between us and listened carefully to what was said, what wasn’t said, and what was felt. Continue reading “The Spinning Ring”
I knew I was somewhere underground, somewhere lost in a large cave system, but I did not know which cave system or why I was here. So I obeyed the first rule of realizing you’re lost.
I sat down. Continue reading “Dream Journal: 2018-04-14.01”
I received the Animalis Os Fortuna deck last year as part of a kickstarter reward during a period when I had more money than sense. My original plan was to give away the deck (and its companion oracle deck) to a friend whose personal theme was animal decks, but each time I went to package up the still sealed decks, something always got in the way.
After the move, I resigned myself to having this deck in my personal possession for much longer than I thought, and finally broke the seal so I could look through the cards and see just how much trouble I’ve gotten myself into.
My thumbnail punctured the seal and I watched the box
take a breath expand as if inhaling for the first time since birth printing.
“You broke it, you own it.”
Well, shit. Continue reading “Dream Journal: 2018-04-12.01”
The more I wake, the more I remember. The more I remember, the less I want to be either awake or remembering.
I don’t want to adult right now. Continue reading “Dream Journal: 2018-04-08.01”
I’m seated at my dining room table, waking up slowly to the warm mug of coffee in my hands. Seated across from me is Lace Baba. Behind her are the shades of Knotted Baba and Black Baba.
“Cuando te despiertes, no te olvides de tomar tu medicina.”
I lifted the mug. “Bebo mi café con ancho cada mañana, Abuela Baba.” Smugly, I drank a big gulp of the warm coffee. Continue reading “Dream Journal: 2018-04-07.01”
“Toma tu café, nieta. Tienes un largo día por delante.” The tanned hand reached out from under the lace shawl and pushed the familiar mug towards me. I took the mug mutely and nodded but did not drink.
The collection of women sitting at the small table with me were comforting to be around. I felt safe. I felt welcome. Coffee meant I would be leaving them soon and I wanted to stay for as long as I could.
“You heard her, girl. Drink up!” The only thing larger than the dark skinned woman’s drawl was the woman’s girth. Though the laughter that followed could swallow both up.
“I will, Baba.” As I raised the mug to my lips, I realized that her name wasn’t Baba. None of the women seated here with me were named Baba. But they were all Baba to me. All family in some way. A particular type of relation that could only be called “Baba”. Continue reading “The Three Babas”
Still unpacking, though it is more emotional baggage than physical stuff. Still haven’t done any “high working”. I don’t have the spirit in me. (Pun very fucking intended.)
It took four months before I realized I could leave more than just my tarot decks and occult(ish) books on my table. It’s been a long while since my pyracantha wand had a good oiling. Hopefully the long storage hasn’t wrecked it.
Spoiler: It hasn’t. Much. Continue reading “Feeding the Bones”
Was walking through a wooded part of a city park. I could see the buildings nearby and hear the traffic on the roads. A white man with dirty blond hair in a tan crumpled trench coat was walking silently beside me, though not walking with me. We just happened to be on the same path headed in the same direction. He was chain smoking like a furnace, but had the decency to be downwind of me after I coughed once.
We didn’t say anything to each other, but enjoyed the silence and the mutual solitude. Somehow we knew the other was wooish though we never introduced ourselves. There was just a mutual attitude of “you do you”.
A little kid ran down the path from farther ahead. Something about the kid’s appearance bothered me and I grunted softly as a kind of warning and declaration. The man grunted an affirmative tone just as softly and I was surprised that he heard me but not surprised that he confirmed my suspicions. Continue reading “Dream Journal: 2018-03-21.01”