Do Magick December ’18: Day 13 – A Parting Day

The SATOR Square was tested today as what I was told would be a small gathering of people coming together to celebrate the departure of a beloved employee turned into a flood of employees, clients, and opportunists parading up and down the hall outside of my office. The sound levels became abusive. The number of people who would not respect a closed door was greater than the number of people who worked in the building.

There is a difference between fear and anxiety and oh boy, did I learn that distinction today.

As I sat in the car for refuge, I did reflect on what finally caused me to leave the office and why the SATOR Square failed me. It didn’t. It delivered me from the fear of appearing weak by leaving a little early for lunch. But what drove me out wasn’t fear, but nervousness.

It is tempting to scratch up a seal to deal with that, but I know enough about how my head works to know that such a seal would only be placing a bandaid on a compound fracture. 

The rest of the day went so smoothly that it worried me. I attended a later, private party for the same departing employee in a crowded public venue that made the office party look like an organized line dance competition. And I was okay.

The difference between the two is that at the first venue, I was on my own and attempting to actually work. At the second, I was with people I wanted to be with and everyone else was away from me. This anxiety is something I’ll have to work on using mundane means.

The time management seal worked to help me get to the second party on time. When it was time to leave, I felt a prodding to respect the departure notification instead of finding one last thing to poke at.

Otherwise, there’s nothing else to write about for the day.