I’m missing a crucial component of my personal seal. The seal is based on a circle within a circle, to represent the Innermost Self and the Outer Self. The framework for the Outer Self is done. Try as I might, I cannot scribe anything to my satisfaction representing the Innermost Self. This afternoon, I take a nap in the hopes that I will become lucid and explore the problem from a different point of view.
I have been struggling to create a personal seal for a (yet another) magickal project. For some reason, I quickly became fixated on using the compass and straight-edge to create it. Perhaps I like making things difficult. Perhaps.
Over the weekend of January 29-30, I had a vicious migraine. It confined me to bed for the duration and kept me in a nebulous mental state. On 30 January, I finally was able to sleep long and deep enough to dream. I was awakened by the phone, and feeling the dream to be of importance, I typed down my notes while I was still able to sit up long enough to do so. While none of the wording has been changed, all spelling errors has been corrected because I’m anal like that.
Last I saw Rigson in person, I was passing through the coffee house last week. (Last time in a dream, he was tying me up.) I had dropped my trimmed Thoth deck when getting out of the car. While I was sure I had picked up every card that had fallen, my nerves would not be settled until I had arranged the deck in a proper order . So what was supposed to be just a quick caffeine grab and run turned into a caffeine grab and sit while I quickly ordered the deck. The process only took me all of five long minutes, as the deck was already ordered when I dropped it. It was simply a matter of placing the errant cards in their proper places, then thumbing through the deck one by one to soothe my jittery nerves.
Five minutes. Long enough for Rigson to come in and see me.
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Continue reading “RSS Feeds, A Rant”
I wasn’t fully sleep. But I wasn’t fully awake, either. Sitting at the bus stop, enjoying some peace and quiet before my daughter arrived from school. She had just texted me, her bus was late arriving to the school. No worries, I texted back, I would take a nap and wait for her.
The winds had picked up quite fiercely. I had to dodge big rig trucks that were not prepared for the sudden gusts that pushed them into the neighboring lane. Safely parked at the side street, my car was broadside to the wind. I was continually rocked in the wind’s cradle. Naptime.
My last waking thought before slipping sideways into the dream was an examination of sigils and symbols I had accrued in my head. Because of the winds enveloping my little car, most of them were Air related. I felt the shift as it happened. I tumbled out of the reclined driver’s seat and onto a little puffy cloud that was waiting for me. The winds were no longer restrained by the car’s cabin and blew directly onto and around my form. In the wind was the unspoken whisper, “Pay attention.”
I had a nice, long, multiple paged monster of a post typed out here. Really explored my magic style and how different influences have changed it over the years.
Nuked the whole thing, intentionally.
A close friend of mine, I call him “Pharoah” here, formally introduced me to invoking the planets two years ago. I completely dismissed the idea because of my lack of magickal experience. Didn’t invoking planetary powers require all sorts of props, preparations, and solitude? I lacked all three. He corrected my errors and showed me a way to touch upon the planetary powers using the tarot cards for assistance.
Since doing so, two of the planets have made many stage entrances in my dreams. Jupiter and Saturn. The first time I saw them in a dream, I knew who they were each the personification of even though they looked nothing like the traditional aspects written of and portrayed through lore and art. Jupiter has only made a few appearances, preferring instead to use his messenger.
Saturn, however, is a chatty little girl. Yes. Little. Girl. The gender switch feels like a deliberate act. One that stabs at a tender spot in me, about my own confusions over gender and sex. In trying to describe the overall feel of Saturn’s dream appearance, I could only come up with the tantalizing confusion that is Gothic Lolita.
My pipe is going out. It will require gentle obsessive nursing to keep it going. Or I can let it cool and die, only to refill and light it anew on another day.
That’s pretty much where I am at in my life. The “old ways” and habits I’ve used this year are dwindling in effectiveness. Yet I cling to them because they are familiar. It would take much dedication and perseverance from me to make them work. Wasted breath on impotent cinders. Time spent trying to preserve the past, that should instead be used to shape the future.
Continue reading “Piping Thought”
What did Daddy always tell me? “Don’t trust a drink you didn’t fetch yourself.” True, but that doesn’t apply here. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.” Yea, that’s it. While he was referring to fights (and yes, I do finish all fights that I start and a few that I didn’t start but got caught up in), I’m referring to blogs.