“And then there were three.”, the driver, Josh, exclaimed after dropping off one of our fellows.
“Five.” I corrected him from the back seat.
“Five.”, said his girlfriend, Ginny, from the front passenger seat.
“Three.”, he insisted, looking around and seeing only himself, her, and I.
“That’s because you only see one world.” She smiled smugly at her boyfriend. “There’s two others in here as well.”
He looked at me. I only nodded in agreement. “Well, they are more than free to contribute to the gas fund if they’re gonna hang around.” I wrinkled my nose and prepared for incoming indignities. He put the car in gear and drove away from the apartment building towards my house. “And who’s hitching a ride anyway?”
I look to my right. The unbodied gentleman sitting beside me tipped his hat at me and winked. I look to my left. A hooded individual, kir face hidden by a veil and body hidden by a shroud, nodded in polite greeting.
“No-Body and No-One.”, I answer.
Ginny bursts into giggles. No-One remains motionless. No-Body chuckles with inaudible mirth.
“Uh-huh.” Josh was not amused by my answer. “No alcohol for either of you two today. I know you two see things but I don’t want to join that club.”
“How would our alcohol intake make you see what we see?”
“Because I’ll be drinking with you, and being drunk opens all sorts of doors.” He turned onto the freeway on-ramp.
“I’m just happy I can see him. I think. I’m trying not to let all the folk tales about what happens to those that can see D’… him in broad daylight get to me.” Ginny was going to say ‘Death’, but caught herself. I smiled to assuage her fear. No-Body only laughed silently louder. Ginny took that as the reassurance it was and relaxed.
The road noise from driving at freeway speed in a well worn car prevented further conversation. Ginny and Josh teased each other in that silent way close couples do. I sat comfortably between Death and the Dead.
A sudden noxious fume floated from the back seat. “Keri! You could have gave us a warning!” Josh and Ginny scrambled to roll down the front windows.
Ginny turned to glare at me, but saw me glaring at No-Body instead. No-Body was laughing the silent deep peals of the successful trickster. “He didn’t!”
“He did! You got your wish, Josh! The gas fund has been contributed to! Eww.” I covered my nose in vain. “Smells like something crawled up Death’s ass and decayed.” No-Body slapped his leg in overwhelming mirth. “Next time you make a request, choose your words more carefully, please.”
The drive to my house continued without further incident. Once off the freeway, conversation continued. We talked of garlic and gardening, of tarot and oracles, of silly requests we get on Tumblr and the bullshit controversy of the week. No-Body and No-One quietly enjoyed the ride and said nothing to us or each other.
Josh turned onto my street but found it partially blocked off. A driver had broken down with a dead battery. The hood to his small 4×4 was propped up and he stood helplessly with jumper cables in his hands.
“Oh, hey, lemme help this guy out. You don’t mind, do you, Keri?” Josh went ahead and moved into position.
“Naw, I don’t mind. I’m just two houses away anyway. I’ll jump out here.” I reach over to unlock the door. No-Body locks it and physically pushes me back down.
“Sit, Girl. Do not leave this car.” He points at Ginny. “You, too.” He points at Josh. “Tell him to not handle those cables. Do not touch that driver.”
Josh was starting to get out of the car to lift the hood. Ginny grabs him. “Hun’, this is gong to sound strange, but don’t touch that man, his cables, or his jeep.”
Josh already had the door open and his feet were on the ground. The other driver quickly opened the hood of Josh’s car, but with such carelessness the attached jumper cables grazed the engine throwing sparks everywhere. “Why not? That guy is going to trash my car if I don’t.”
“Because Death said not to.” Josh stops complaining at the sound of my words. He looks at me, looks at Ginny, looks at the backseat which appears empty to him, and mutters, “I reserve the right to a beer later.”
By the time Josh gets out, the other driver has attached the cables correctly. I take a good look at him. I’ve seen him before. It takes me a moment, but I place him. He had begged a cable jump off me before, and was the reason why Josh and Ginny had to pick me up. I wasn’t watching him and he used a device to steal my engine’s oil. I didn’t find out until the next day when the engine seized.
“Josh! Watch him closely! He’s a scam! He broke my car!” Sure enough, the guy had the device and was sucking the oil from the running engine. I reached forward and turned the engine off to save it while Josh started to reach for the guy.
No-One had floated through the car and floated through Josh. The chill was enough to remind him about the warning and he pulled his hand away before touching the thief. The thief hurried to disconnect the cables and drive away. He taunted us as he passed, but Ginny and I saw No-One riding with the thief.
No-Body patted me on the shoulder. “Okay, Girl. Here is where I leave you be. You go on about your day. See you tonight.” He tipped his hat towards Ginny in a polite farewell, and left the car and our sight.
I called a mechanic friend to bring engine oil and come take a look at Josh’s car to see if the thief damaged it. In the mean time, Ginny and Josh were invited to stay at my house. The day ended well. Their car was not damaged, food was cooked and shared, and no more shenanigans were had.