Me: Show me reality.
Dream: ~puts me back at my computer desk with a fresh cup of coffee~
Me: Nah, bruh. I know I’m dreaming, and I know there’s more than just the physical world. Show me reality.
Dream: ~puts me in a movie theater and starts rolling~
Me: That’s not reality. That’s a distraction. Look. I’m still wearing the meatsuit.
Dream: You can’t handle reality. So I gotta show you a mess of symbols that your puny mind can comprehend without devolving into pools of gibbering madness.
Me: I get that. I do. But I want to go past the symbols. I’m not looking for anything that I can take back with me to the physical world. This isn’t about my readers. This is personal. Drop the illusion and show me reality.
Dream: ~turns me into a god~
Me: Illusion. Try harder.
Dream: ~turns me into the intelligence of a planet in a different solar system~
Me: Illusion. You’re still giving me physical constraints. There is nothing physical in this world. It’s like asking for a dress and getting a paper doll cutout. Stop limiting me with three dimensions!
Dream: …
Me: …
Dream: You won’t remember anything when you wake up.
Me: Will I remember that I saw it?
Dream: Maybe. Not guaranteed.
Me: Good enough. Let’s go.
Dream: Why do you want to proceed when there is no payoff to you and no way to share your experience with others?
Me: Because I know it’s there. Because… [personal reasons]. Because why the fuck not. According to my belief system, I stand a damn good chance of finding out after my body dies, but the meaning will be different then. I want to find out now, while I can still appreciate the difference.
Dream: Even if you don’t remember it after.
Me: I won’t remember, but the consequences will remain with me. And… I guess… after all I’ve been through this life… I need that achievement.
Dream: ~places me on the edge of the Abyss~ Jump.
Me: No.
Dream: But you just said…!
Me: I know this Abyss. And that’s the problem. Reality is nothing like what I know, nothing like what I think I know, and nothing I have ever seen before. I know that if I look off to my right, I’ll see in the distance the bridge that is the Path of Vau. If I look off to my left, I’ll see the Path of Cheth. That the Crowned and Throned figure is not in front of me is telling. This is a false path, because it is one I already know.
Dream: ~places me on a high mountain and opens the heavens above me~ Rise.
Me: No.
Dream: Fuck you, why not!
Me: ~pinches arm~ Tactile sensation, human flesh covering my spirit, feelings of cold and exposure to low humidity air. Illusion. Stop fucking with me.
Dream: What would it take for you to accept that reality is unfolding before you?
Me: Oh, trick question. Any answer I give is immediately invalid because it is one I will accept. I am fleshbound, and can only speak in terms of the physical. To see reality, I must abandon the physical, even if just for a second. Time is part of the physical nature. In a second, eternity can double. Let me be as dead that I may live.
Dream: ~destroys my awareness and cognition~
“Time is up! Pencils down! I’ll be collecting your test papers from you individually!” The teacher’s voice broke me from my reverie. Gawd, what a fucking asshole. Who the hell expects a three page written essay to be properly completed in fifteen minutes? This asshole, that’s who. I swear, he has a dildo snapped off in his ass and is taking it out on us students. Waiting until the last fifteen minutes of class before giving us the essay prompt? Fucking McFucktide motherfucker.
“Psst. Keri! What did you get for number fifteen?” While the fucktard’s back was turned, Sheila was scrambling to fill as many multiple choice answers as she could.
“Eh? Oh. Daath.” Whispering the name of the false sephira made the environment ripple. None of the other students noticed the pulsing of the fabric of timespace. He noticed and snapped around to see who spoke word that breaks paradigms.
“Miss. … Nox.” He spoke my name and it sounded like the sealing of a curse. I wanted to say his name in the same manner to mock him, but I could not remember what it was! “Is there something you wanted to say to me?”
I knew the proper answer to that question was, “No, Teacher.”. But a few facts soaked into my skin from my slightly shaken environment. This was the last day of school. Grades were submitted a week ago. The only reason why we students had to attend school this week was because of a district directive that we would have 180 days of education opportunity regardless of grades deadline. The test was given under pretext of extra credit points, but I realize now that it was just busywork so Grand Tyrant Fuckington here could lord over the students for as long as possible.
In other words…
There would be no permanent consequences from anything I said, or didn’t say.
“Yes. There is. You’re so full of shit, you’re too toxic for the compost heap.” Sheila’s eyes widened. “So cocksure of yourself, you mistake truly earned derision as jealousy of the achievements you create for yourself. You’re inadequate and unskilled for your position as a teacher. You’d make a better prison guard, judging from the way you handle legitimate requests by those students that actually looked forward to learning something in this class. You have crushed the souls of the weak, broken the souls of the strong, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this school burned down in the next twenty four hours with the arsonists targeting this very room as the source. You are a bully and a coward. You set up unattainable goals for the express purpose of mocking us for trying. You owe us, and you have failed us. The world is worse off for your contributions to the degradation of society.”
“I DON’T OWE YOU A GOD DAMN THING!” He slammed his accumulated stack of papers on my deck and picked up my test sheet. “You uneducated… ignorant… growth of a testicular tumor. What right have you to even speak to me when you can’t even write your name.” He turned my intentionally empty test sheet so all the class could see.
“This test doesn’t matter. These entries mean nothing. You’ll masturbate to the mistakes and errors that you had a chance to teach us the better for, but intentionally withheld to better mock the errant with. I’m not giving you a god damn thing more than I absolutely have to.”
“The student here believes she is above the class requirements! But her ignorance reveals itself by its absence. She didn’t even write anything for the essay question!” Half the students were afraid of him, and were making the responses they hoped he wanted from them. The other half were looking at each other, at me, and at him with investigative faces. Like they have just had their sense of reality confronted and needed to wrench the truth from those speaking lies.
“Oh. Yes. The essay question. You gave us only fifteen minutes to write a three page essay about the nature of reality?” When the words I spoke struck my ear, the sound shook my innermost. I blinked furiously in realization of what I had said, and what had transpired before becoming aware in the classroom.
I started laughing. My laughter made many of the other students uncomfortable. I wasn’t laughing to mock him. Wasn’t laughing to console myself. Wasn’t laughing at his all black ensemble that he stole from Severus Snape. Wasn’t laughing at the look of fear on Sheila’s face. I was laughing because I could.
Because none of this mattered.
Because in that brief moment of clarity, I finally understood the Cosmic Joke. When I stopped to catch my breath, the understanding fled from Fucktis Khan’s rapidly approaching hand.
“No.” My gentle word stopped the attempted assault. The teacher was frozen in place, his hand inches from my face. “Sit.” The command launched his body up and over the heads of those students in between me and his desk. He landed in his chair, in a proper seated position, and recovered the use of his limbs. He gripped the desk as if to rise up and challenge me, but as I smiled in anticipation, he settled into a more comfortable position.
“I don’t know if you are Chronozon or not. I do know where I am. And I know nothing matters here, and everything matters here. But most of all, I know this is not reality. You are the master of this particular emanation, but you only have power over those that yield to you.” I stood. “I do not yield to you.”
I looked at the clock. The numbers were in place, but the hands had been removed a long time ago. Another way he used his power over the students. Time moved by his decree. I wondered just how long did this supposed last day of school has been existing. I snapped my fingers and the clock shattered. Pieces of yellowing glass disintegrated into dust as they fell. Immediately, the school administrators announced the end of the school day, and with it the school year.
“Class.” The tone of my voice demanded attention, and to the surprise of many, I received it unequivocally. “You are dismissed.” The students took up their things and began leaving the classroom. Quietly at first, and in disbelief at the successful overthrow of the teacher. Then as they began to consider their future, they forgot the despot entirely and spoke in the bright tones of released prisoners.
As they left, I remained standing. I stared down the scowling teacher with a gentle smile. Sheila was the last to leave. “Hey. Are you leaving?”
“You go on ahead. I’ll be last out.”
“Well, um. Wanna hang out after?” She ran her hand down my arm with a softness that implied more than just a friendly relationship.
You are just another emanation of the same trap. “No, I have to get on with certain things. You go enjoy yourself.”
Her hand slipped from my arm to my back and continued over the back of my hip. Promises of physical delights in a nonphysical realm? Try harder. “Oh. Okay. See you around, then.” She left.
I nodded at the still seated monster. “It was a pleasure, in a masochistic sort of way. Good day to you.” I backed out of the room, never turning away from him until I was completely clear of the doorway. When I turned around, the dream collapsed and I woke.