Disjointed Scenes: Undoing

The Maelstrom was beautiful, hypnotic, and silent. I had just closed my eyes and found myself clutching to the side of a cliff. The ground was obscured by mist. Above me the fog churned in contemplation. I was being called someplace, and I was resisting. I knew if I allowed my fear to rise, it would destroy whatever benefits were waiting for me. No. I will not fear the Maelstrom any longer. The only way out, is through. And so, I lept off the cliff, allowing the Maelstrom to swallow me up.

What follows is laid out in a linear fashion, but was not experienced linearly. The Maelstrom splits my awareness, so that I am experiencing several different realms simultaneously. (Or as close to simultaneous as the human condition allows.) Each bulleted paragraph in this list is a jump between the different awarenesses I had.

• My first awareness is the feeling of cold sticks under my back and legs. A colder hand is ripping open my shirt. My eyes are already open, but fixed forward. I see enough to know I am laying on a pyre of bones in Ravenwoman‘s Boneyard. Perched on the myriad piles of bones surrounding us are dozens of ravens. They are watching Ravenwoman with amused interest. A tug on my clothes pulls my attention to her, as she stands above me. She has finished ripping my shirt and bra apart, exposing the skin of my chest to the very cold air. Almost cooing from delight, she lightly rakes her taloned fingers across my skin. I want to ask her what she is doing, but I can’t make a sound. I can’t move. There are no binds on me, but I am completely immobilized. She stares at me, and I note she is wearing her raven mask and headdress again. I see enough of her lower face to note the sardonic smile. She stares at me, then plunges a talon into my chest. I don’t respond. She drags the talon downward, towards my feet. Her movement is more precise than one would think. This is not idle play. Ravenwoman is proceeding to cut my chest open with her own talons. Suddenly, the pain strikes me and I blink.
• It’s raining. It has been raining here since she was called away from me. It has never stopped in the three years since. I don’t like coming here. There are so many places that remind me of her. The nostalgia is crippling. This is the Valley of the Naga. To the north is a mountain range that leads to the terrace where I used to perform ceremonial magic. To the west, is the Temple of the Naga. Snake, in a four-armed naga form, is carrying me into that temple. The last time I was here, it was for an ordeal to consecrate a tool in the Waking. The last time I saw her, she had an poison-infused arrow aimed for my head. Humans don’t enter this temple without permission. No one challenges Snake, however. He holds me close to his heavily jeweled chest while others move to grant him unrestricted passage. He turns to a side chamber within the temple and lays me on a stone bench. He turns away from me and speaks to someone just without the chamber. “Do not leave her alone. I trust you will help soothe her.” I hear the sound of satin scales on worn stone as another snake-bodied creature enters. “As much as she will allow me, my Lord.” The sound of her voice snaps my eyes open. That she is referring to Snake as ‘my Lord’ prompts me to try and sit up. A pain, from another world, stabs me in my chest and takes away my energy. She catches me before I fall and lays me gently on the stone. “Hello, my love. My, how you have grown. I had feared for you, but I see my fears were unfounded.” She kisses me on the forehead. “I have missed you.”, she whispers quickly. I don’t want to cry, so I close my eyes and turn away.
• Winds are whipping at me from all directions. I feel I am at the center of a vortex. The air is dry and dusty. I feel uneasy. Opening my eyes, I find I am atop the mountain terrace. The same spirit that gave me the feathersword is circling me sunwise. Ke is close enough to stir up winds in my face, and far enough to be out of striking range. When ke sees my eyes are open and I am fully aware, ke asks if I’ve learned how to use the feathersword effectively yet. “Or do you have just another pretty trinket.” Before I can answer, ke reveals a sword of kir own and attacks me viciously. Instinctively, I call the feathersword to my hands (the two-handed longsword form) and block the attack. Kir movement deflected by my block, ke turns on a dime and charges me again.
• It hurts and it doesn’t hurt. The pain so sweet and delicious, I felt guilty for experiencing it. Like I had stolen the last bar of Nana’s homemade candy. No one should know what it feels like to be fully awake and fully aware as one’s chest is methodically torn apart. Almost humming from delight, Ravenwoman has cut through my chest, snapped my ribs and spread them, and opened my chest cavity like she’s opening a box. I don’t bleed as much as I thought I would. What blood spills out is incinerated the moment it touches the bone pyre beneath me. I can feel her hands caressing my still beating heart. She’s cawing softly to herself, enjoying the feel of my warm heart beating as she holds it gently. This is a rare experience for her as well, and she is going to relish each and every moment of it.
• The discomfort is unsettling, and I shift anxiously in the cafe booth. I look at my cooling cup of coffee blankly. I am in other worlds simultaneously, and the coffee confuses me. It takes some effort, but I am able to focus on the coffee, and thus on the only place in the Dreaming where I’m going to find this particular cup. Looking up, I note I am sitting on the other side of the cafe booth from Roger (Resting Guy, R.G.), who looks like he’s having a heart attack. He is clutching his chest and is very pale. “What is she doing! Ah! This hurts, so much!” He is panting from pain and looks up at me oddly. I’m numb and can’t feel a thing. Nor can I respond. My awareness is split in too many directions.
• In the temple, she tells me the truth about her station. I’m not surprised, now. I’ve learned a lot since we parted ways. I am no longer angry at her departure. She was right for leaving. I would have never grown if she remained. I would have kept her on that pedestal with loving adoration and blinded worship. I find I still regard her fondly. We embrace in the delicate way that former lovers do. Snake returns, still in the form of a four-armed naga, but adorned as I’ve never seen him. He is wearing my weight in gold and jewels as rings, bracelets, cuffs, armbands, necklaces, girdles, earrings, and a crown. The crown alone weighs as much as my head. As he enters, she releases me and takes a respectful distance from both of us. He stares at her, but says nothing as she bows. I suddenly have so many questions. He lays a finger to my lips before I can start, however. I know I’m in a tenuous state. I trust him. I nod and remain silent. With ease, he picks me up again. He takes me to a chamber deep within the temple, and lays me before three particular idols. He bows towards the idols with sincerity, and leaves me there. I remember them. I remember what happened last time I was here. I close my eyes and wait for the flames. I don’t have to wait long. Fire comes from the idols and engulfs me. It burns away my clothes and my skin. It burns away the connection to my other pieces of awareness. When the fire lifts, I am in a four-armed nagini form, with rich brown skin and polished bronze scales. She is waiting at the entrance to the chamber. As I settle into a coiled “seated” position, she bows towards me, as if I were her greater.
• The spirit is kicking my ass coming and going but I’m not giving up. I keep my wits about me and watch how ke moves. I learn kir style and soon start spying openings. I don’t betray this knowledge by attempting strikes that I have too high a chance of missing. Instead, I wait for a moment of hubris to overtake kir. Ke pauses just a little too long to gloat. I know ke will false start at me afterward. I take advantage and six feathers are cut off kir wings. Kir face twitches at the affront. “First blood to you. Warm up is over.” Oh shit. Ke rushes at me even faster.
• Ravenwoman’s mirth is gone. She has come to the heart of the matter. “Can’t stand parasites of any kind. Beneficial. Malignant. It makes no matter to me. I’ll have no parasites in what is mine! Not one!” Ravenwoman is screeching in indignation, but not at me. With both of her hands in my chest, she is pulling things away and out of my still beating heart. They look like small worms and thin strings of fibrous matter. As she pulls them out of my heart, she idly throws them away. The ravens scramble for the tasty morsels, snatching them out of mid air before they land on bone. Just like how my blood flares into ash at the touch of the bones, so do the worms Ravenwoman flings about. This is a rare treat in the Boneyard, wriggling flesh dripping with living blood. The ravens have surrounded us in such great numbers, they blot out the sky. Of note, they take great pains not to come near me, nor risk fouling my open chest with their feathers. But anything that falls away from me, is devoured at once.
• In the cafe, Roger reaches for my hand. The pain is so great, he is gasping just to breathe. “She’s wounding me! I mean no harm to you! You must tell Ravenwoman! It’s just a consequence from how you rescued that part of me. I have more to fear from you than you to fear from me!” He groans in pain. I agree that he is the more vulnerable of the two of us. However, his ‘growths’ into me has exposed parts of me that no one should have access to. He has grown too deep into my spirit for comfort. I wonder, if his deep connection had sandbagged me while in Helheim, making that trip more arduous than necessary. I understand now, this should have been done immediately after his awakening. I didn’t know at the time what the repercussions were. I didn’t know passing that piece of him through my soul would leave ‘seeds’ behind. I know now.
• On the mountain top, ke body-checks me and I fall on my back. A sudden wave of pain from other worlds stun me for a split-second. He spies my weakness and dives at once, with kir sword above kir head. It is clear, the incoming strike is meant to sever my neck, maybe even decapitate me. I recover quickly, however. Waiting until kir body is committed to the movement, I roll away and strike upwards as I move. The sound of the wing bone shattering brings us both to a stop. Ke turns kir head and just stares at me in shock and disbelief. I should not have been able to do that. Ke staggers away as the pain stuns kir right side. I back up as well, but raise the sword to brace for a counter-attack. I don’t know if ke is a berserker, and I’d rather not find out. But just in case…
• Ravenwoman has regained her earlier satisfied countenance. The same talons that ripped my chest cavity apart is now idly tracing the surface texture of my beating heart. Once she confirms the parasitic tendrils have been completely removed from my heart, she lowers my heart back into my chest with self-satisfied clucks. I am still unable to move or respond, but I find her attitude almost maternal. She reaches to some place beyond my sight, and retrieves a hollow leg bone. She holds the macabre vial over my chest, inspecting her handiwork one final time. Tipping the bone, she deliberately pours a liquid flame over my heart, taking care to coat the exposed cavity completely and evenly. As the flame takes to my heart and lungs, she starts to close the chest. The pain increases beyond anything I have ever experienced, warping my vision and stealing colors away. Smoke starts to seep from my mouth. She pulls ribs back in place and fuses them back together. As she pats the ribs down, puffs of smoke escape from my mouth, much like baby powder from a freshly changed diaper.
• In the temple, I ask my former companion what we are waiting for. Her voice is steady and emotionless. The voice of a servant. “Your undoing.”
• Ke rushed me faster than I’ve ever seen kir move. With a cry of pain and anger, kir reaches out and taps me on the forehead with a touch as faint as a baby’s sigh. The lightning bolt leaps from kir finger and courses through me. It blackens my forehead, leaving a latticework of burns on my face and neck. I drop at once and twitch randomly on the ground a few times, then becoming still. I feel my breath escaping, but none rushes in to replace it.
• In the temple, I feel a sudden shock race through me, causing me to shudder so violently, my joints pop. I can’t even make a sound in surprise. My eyes roll back, and I drop.
• In the Boneyard, my body is whole and the tattered clothes have been layered on my chest in an attempt at modesty. But the fire she had poured into my chest is still devouring me from the inside out. Ravenwoman sits beside the pyre, her taloned hand lying on my chest. I am no longer feeling pain, as my awareness is in the form of a mature raven, perched on her shoulder. Together we watch the flames slowly consume my body, the torso collapsing under the weight of her hand, leaving only ashes behind. She tells me to make sure Roger eats something. “He needs to take care of himself now.” I fly off her shoulder and jump between worlds to the City.
• I fly through the City with ease until I am near the cafe. I steer into the nearby alley, where I land and immediately take on human form, tucking the feather cloak away out of human sight. Inside, I find Roger leaning back in the corner of the same booth we shared earlier. The worst of his pain has passed, but he is still weak. As I look on him, I realized he has changed. I didn’t see this earlier, but he had used me as a cloak to hide himself in the City. Anyone “looking” at him, would have detected my aura instead. But now, he can hide no longer. I call the server and ask food and drink be brought to him. I sit before him, push the plate of food towards him, and command him to eat. Slowly, he starts to do so.
• Snake has taken me to the depths of the temple. I have lost the nagini form, and am human again. This room, I remember from my ordeal as well. I remember the carvings on the wall. He ties me to restraints in the room. I question his actions. “What must happen will overwhelm you. You will attempt to stop it. This is not to protect the snakes from you, or to protect you from the snakes. This is to protect you from yourself.” He leaves. The room starts to fill with snakes. I am not afraid, until I feel myself being bitten by them, over and over again. I struggle against the bonds, trying to free myself, but between the weight of the snakes, and the tight knots, I am securely bound. Each snake that has entered the room bites me at least once. I recognize cobras among them. As the venom takes hold, I start to drool uncontrollably and shudder. The walls start to glow. The carvings, I know so well, start to change color. A Mystery is revealed. I start to understand. The venom stops my heart.
• The lightning strike that felled me is burning me from the inside out. Ke roughly kicks me over onto my back, so I am facing the sky. Though one of kir six wings is still broken, ke rises above me and transforms kirself into a Power. The form is an optical illusion, overwhelming my awareness. If my body was still whole, I would be starting an epileptic fit from the sight. But in the form, I also see a Mystery. I see, and start to understand.
• In the Boneyard, I am sitting next to a smouldering bone pyre. A body had been reduced to ashes recently. My hand is laying on what was once the chest. A raven sits on my shoulder. Ravenwoman stands above me. We are dressed the same, except she is wearing her raven mask/headdress, and my head is bare. I am beginning to understand.
• The restraints in the temple have become moot. The snake venom has destroyed my body, causing it to fall apart in pieces and chunks. All the smaller snakes retreat from the room, leaving my disconnected awareness alone with what remains of my body. Snake in his full form comes forward. I have never seen him so large. His head alone is the size of a sub-compact car. Carefully and with great deliberation, he picks up every piece of me with his mouth, until he has all of me. He floods his mouth with his own venom and shakes his head gently. When he spits me out, my body is reassembled, whole, and sound. When my body hits the ground, I take a breathe in response and my awareness floods my flesh. I am beginning to understand.
• The lightning bolt has reduced my fallen body to ashes. Above me, ke whips up a fierce circling wind, and scatters my ashes into the air. Ke dispersed my remains, and my awareness, into the clouds and the air. My awareness is scattered too greatly, and the terrace fades from sight.
• Ravenwoman nods as I stand, smiles, and chuckles to herself. She turns her back on me. I know it’s time for me to leave, and without any extraneous motion, politeness, or words, I do.
• Snake coils around me, covering me completely like he was guarding a treasure. “You are the Orphic Egg, you know.” I say nothing, but surrender to my guardian/captor. I fall asleep in his embrace.
• Roger has eaten. I’m nursing a coffee. He stares at his empty plate. I feel myself gaining strength as my scattered awareness starts to coalesce. “What just happened?”, he asks, half to himself, half to me. Good question, Roger. Good question.

Make of that, what you may.