I discovered the lower limit of wick trimming. And I discovered it the hard way, by going past it. After the wee little nub of the wick drowned in the very pool of wax it was supposed to be burning, I wound up having to carve away at the tip of the candle to reform it into something that would take and keep a flame.
It is hard to put into words the difference between the trimmings removed outside of ritual and the drippings that ran during ritual. But there is a difference. It may be that the difference is merely one of perception and assigned relevance, but the difference is there, it is tangible, and it must be respected.
The trimmings were discarded and the candles lit and burned without further (unusual) incident.
I summoned [Patient Caller] but did not move to immediately display the gesture after speaking the words. I felt a sense of impatience surround me as if someone was tapping their feet and waiting for me to follow the memo.
I gave the gesture, and was brought into vision before I had begun to move my hand away.
«How did you change the ritual?»
“By making something that was never to be included, an obligatory step.”
«Take heed that you are not doing the same with your other routines. While the gesture is now common between us, it is not binding on either of us. Do not lay more snares at your feet.»
«Your struggle with prayer as prescribed will not be resolved gently. You struggle with your present pains and your past wounds. The prescription is not to bind you to service with any entity. The prescription is to help you allow the wounds to heal. So it is more important that you are consistent with your prayers than it is who or what you are praying to. If no mantra or words come to your mind or your tongue, then sit in silence. True silence. Not holding your body still while you mentally recite the tasks that you have paused for this moment of prayer.»
«Evaluate your current methods of self-soothing and solace. How are your self care methods preventing you from caring for yourself and your environment? What do you hold on to for … as you say … ‘five hot seconds’ … that turns into an hour ending with you more frustrated than you began?»
«A lesson you continue to teach yourself: What can help can also hinder.»
«When you trimmed the candle, did you notice the difference in texture between what was unmelted and what was unburnt? There is more to this than a rearrangement of substance but you will not find it under any physical inspection.»
«Now I have no further words for you. Release me.»
The spirit had nailed me to rights with each point. I did not have room to even snark back with biting agreement. I spoke the license to depart and ended the ritual.
Total time being read to filth: 9 minutes.