Last year in January I put together some targets for a shoal sigil. Some were realistically attainable. Some would only come about as a result of a then unrealistic collection of funds.
By February, I had declared the experiment a complete disaster. I was unable to keep up with the schedule and by the middle of the month, was barely able to keep up with myself.
When the year ended, of the ten items I had wished for, nine had come to pass after all. The tenth happened earlier this year. I never did win the lottery. It was many parts [W]ork and one good part of out of control serendipity that brought them to pass.
Of the ten items targeted by this month’s shoal sigil, two of them are unrealistic goals when looking at the context I began the month with. Am I going to count it a “failure” if at the end of the month, they remain hopes written on paper? No.
Instead I will tally up all the times the scales were tipped in my favor, including all the times that woo did its thing regardless of how I felt about it.
By the middle of the day, I was frustrated as hell. The office was full of more chaos than usual because of high level meetings down the hall, and more than my patience was being tested by underlings who thought this was a good time to show how much they don’t appreciate having a paycheck.
My boss noted that I was being less sarcastic than usual and asked if I was okay.
“Working on it.”
He came in, asked to close the door, and sat down. “You’re working too hard on it. How can I help?”
There are three entities I do not show weakness to: The Fey, an aggressive dog, and my boss. Down came the mask but it did not fit well. “If I start venting, I’m going to go over the top and not be productive, and being productive is more helping than having an adult temper tantrum because I have been prevented from being productive all day and that is contributing to my frustration.”
I glanced at him and saw a thing that I knew was all in my head and yet, not in my control. Over his face, like a sheer overlay, was the shoal sigil glowing in mid air. One of the sigil’s goal was for more support at work, and… well…
It wasn’t the method of fulfillment I had in mind… but…
The conversation was a short but helpful one. He called me out for obviously not saying all of my concerns, but acknowledged that my boundaries are my boundaries and he was going to respect that. His guidance helped.
The day went on and the circus meetings were finished.
I’m marking this day as a success.