Our mother had died and we were back at the house (that I was inheriting) after the funeral. The will had been read and all was settled, I thought. My dear (older) half-sister came in and began demanding I hand over this, and I hand over that, and I have to find a new place to live because she was taking over the house.
I was lucid from the moment she walked into the house, so I was watching to see where the dream was going to take this. At first, I thought her actions were over the top, even for her, until she said she was going to take me to court to regain her birthright as the oldest child of our mother.
After every medical scare my mother has had, she has threatened to do just this. This wasn’t an exaggeration, this was my half-sister doing as she usually does.
I laughed and told her to GTFO of my house, and to GTFO of my dream. “You can’t tell me what to do! I’m the oldest! This should all be mine!” She stepped forward and tried to push me. I backhanded her with delightful glee.
“Ah, Sis. I’m dreaming. I don’t know if you’re going to feel this in the morning, but I’m going to enjoy myself.” I call the baseball bat to my hand, and start swinging.
The physics felt a little too real. So I took a kitchen candle and set it on the counter. By will power alone, the candle was lit. There are NO kitchen candles in my mother’s house. Reassured I was indeed dreaming, I continued the gratuitous assault on my half-sister until the bat could take no more and shattered.
“Gee, Mom. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were really pissed at Auntie.”
My daughter is standing in the kitchen doorframe. “A little bit pissed. A lot repressed rage. You only know a portion of what she has done to me in the name of ‘birthright’.”
“So. You’ve beaten her into an unrecognizable mess. Now what do we do?”
“Now, I wake up, and chuckle to myself for the rest of the day.”
And I did.
And I’m still smugly smiling.
Would I do such a thing in person? No. If I really wanted to hurt her that deeply, I have several choices.
- Report her for embezzling funds from her church. (She’s grifted from every church she has served/ministered at.)
- Let her current husband know she’s trying out different guys to replace him with. (Which is how she wound up with him in the first place.)
- Give her grandson the admin password to the wireless router at her house. (The last time he got hold of it, he gave it to his friends. Within days, all the computers were trojaned up, and three bank accounts were compromised.)
Just one of those will bring her world crashing around her ears, and without those pesky assault and battery charges.
For now, I smile with malicious glint when she comes over, and continue giving non-committal answers when she tries to privately grill me about the contents of my parents’ will. And continue looking forward to the day when I can leave all my bloodkin behind me once and for all.