Once I’ve been to a place, I can return at will. Provided the guardians of that place allows. Seems those that guard the river under the crossroads like me, as I and Horatio was allowed to enter that realm without challenge.
I had a promise to keep, a gift for a friend. I was supposed to get there first.
As Horatio and I rounded the bend of the path by the river, we saw the white table and wicker chairs. In one of the chairs, she sat.
Oh Wonder! Oh Brightness in this grey and colorless land! It is good the dead have no eyes, or they would be wounded by the sight of her.
Just as I have Horatio as my escort, so too did she. A rippling of warning danced about her shoulders as her guardian made her presence known. I bowed to both Lady and Guardian, and asked permission to approach alone. Horatio would wait a respectful distance from the table.
I placed the gift on the table and told the Lady she would have to pace herself. She laughed and replied she expected “help” to come shortly. I asked the Guardian if I would be allowed to embrace my friend. The Guardian smiled and relented.
The Lady’s scent is something like sweet tea. This is the only time I delight in it. I know she’s okay.
I want to stay and talk. Stay and sit. Stay and just abide quietly with her, but I can feel the pulling of elsewhere already. She sits down again and her Guardian takes up position. I’m not worried for her safety.
We exchange farewells and I leave the table. I look back at the Lady one more time, arrayed in layers of lace and finery. A Lady of the South, with delicate grace and a vicious constitution. I am rich to know her.
“Madam?” “Yes, Horatio?” “What was…” “Something that will eat you, Horatio.”
We continued along the path in silence for a few more steps. “Madam.” “Yes, Horatio?” “I think you should visit her more often.” “We’ll see. We anti-social bitches are like backwoods rum. Best approached in small amounts, and generous timing.”
Horatio’s deep laughter echoed off the river as we left that realm.
Horatio and I returned from the river under the crossroads. Even though we were back in the house, we slipped into the spirit side of the world and still in our finery. Sir Nathaniel noted how lovely I looked in the formal red and black gown, and complimented Horatio for not being slovenly.
I don’t know what prompted me to act as I did. I’m still not sure how I knew what to do. I knew enough to understand to keep my worry and “education” out of the way and allow instinct to take the lead.
While Horatio glared daggers at Sir Nathaniel, I silently told Horatio to place his hand on me. At the very least, to grip his trinket that hung off my waist. I took Head In Chest’s hand with my right hand. With my left, I suddenly took Sir Nathaniel’s top hat and revealed his dead face.
He sputtered in wounded surprise and meant to ask what I was doing. He only made it as far as to say “Madam!”, and was silenced by my kiss upon his purple and black lips.
I tasted regret. I tasted death. I tasted fear. I tasted anger. I wasn’t interested in those. Using the kiss as a tool, I pressed deeper. A sudden scent of an open field. The taste of pine on the wind. Yes! I opened the memory and drew the four of us in.
The tall grasses were golden under the bright autumn sun. The wind played with grass, us, and clouds alike. In the distance, it was raining in the mountains. The cold air blowing over us carried the scent of pine trees being washed clean of summer dust.
“What?” Sir Nathaniel looked around in confusion. “Where?” He held a hand up to his clear eyes to shield them from sudden glare. “I know this place…” He took a few steps then realized he had a body. He lowered his hand and stared at the pink flesh.
“Woohoo!” Head In Chest was running through the waist high grasses, shouting and leaping in glee. “Yay!” Short plaid knickers were held up by grey suspenders. A white button shirt with crisp short sleeves clung to him as he raced in random circles and loops around us. Dirty blond hair dared the wind, as the dirt smudged face beamed with joy. The 11 year old boy was racing the wind, and delighted in it.
“Jack! Now Jack! Behave yourself!” Sir Nathaniel forgot to be astounded by his body and scolded Head In Chest for getting his new clothes dirty already. He suddenly came to a stop and whirled to face me. “Jack. His name, is Jack.” A cloud passed over, cooling us suddenly. “I… remember.”
“Where are we, Sir Nathaniel?” I came to him and took his hands. Behind him, Jack was playing tag with Horatio. Horatio was taking the abuse in stride, allowing the sudden youth to enjoy himself.
“My… home.” He turned and pointed. “There! Just beyond that stand of trees! There is the manor… I would come here, to get away… to just step away… when it was too much to bear.” His dark grey suit was tailored to fit him. Strangely thin of build, I wondered if he was an ill man in his life.
The scene reminded me of delicate music, and my memory forced the sound of it to be heard. Jack took Horatio’s hands and said, “Dance! Music time! We dance!”. Horatio said he didn’t know how. Jack agreed. To my surprise, Horatio let the youth pull him in all directions.
“This won’t last, Madam. Let them have their time while they can.” Horatio’s mental voice whispered in my ear. He is right. This brief moment is a stolen one.
“Sir Nathaniel, are you going to keep me bereft of your social graces? The boy is dancing. Why are we not as well in this golden day?” I flicked my fan open in mock pride and smile at him through a shield of black lace. He straightened himself, approached me with severity, and formally asked for me to accompany him.
Jack cheered to see us ballroom dancing in the field of dry grasses. The wind swirled with us as the clouds overhead watched like reminiscing onlookers. Sir Nathaniel was a little clumsy at first, but as he remembered the grace of sinew and bone, he led me through extravagant steps.
Without warning, he suddenly fell to his knees and gripped my dress in wracks of sobs. “No. No more. I beg of you. I don’t want to remember. Please. End this. Dear Lady, if you bear any mercy, please end this!”
“Sir! Sir!” Jack ran over and draped himself over Sir Nathaniel. “It’s okay. It will be okay! Please don’t cry!” Jack looked up at me with silent tears, and a silent look begging me to end Sir Nathaniel’s pain.
“Come, Horatio. Our outing has ended. It’s time to return home.” I placed a hand on Sir Nathaniel’s head as I knelt down and lifted it gently. Hazel eyes rimmed red from ungentlemanly tears sparkled clear to me. Horatio placed his hand on my shoulder and bid Jack to take my other hand. I leaned forward, and kissed Sir Nathaniel on the lips once more.
Such regret that burns so deep.
The worlds shifted around us, and we were back in my house once more. Jack was Head In Chest again, and Sir Nathaniel clung to the wall with spider legs and decapitated head body. Dead eyes emoted painfully at me. I found I had tears enough for the both of us.
Jack (I refuse to call him Head In Chest now), rubbed his face against my hands in a clear expression of gratitude. He lost the ability to speak on our return. I patted his face in acknowledgement.
Horatio led him away, whispering to Jack that Sir Nathaniel would be okay and adults needed to talk now. Jack sighed and clung to Horatio’s arm.
I still had Sir Nathaniel’s worn and abused top hat in my hand. He reached for it. I refused to release it. “No running, Sir. Not from fear. Not from pain. That boy is remaining here because of you. I can give you space to work yourself out. I can give you the distance you need to deal with your pain without bringing him along. But Jack remains in this world because of you. I don’t want to see either one of you suffer. I can not force him to leave you. I can not force you to move on. I can return the favor you have shown me. You have helped me confront my pain. I shall do the same for you.” I released my hold on the hat. He did not don it immediately.
“Such a rich table you have set, Madam. Will you forgive me if I can only partake in bites and nibbles?” Dead lips parted in the mockery of speech.
I kissed him on his forehead. The spongy texture of the dead flesh did not repulse me. “One step at a time.” I moved his hat into place. “Good night, dear dancer.”
I shifted into my body and soon felt Jack’s hand in mine. Horatio patted me on the shoulder and retreated to his trinket. I heard Sir Nathaniel clamber to the wall above my bed. As I fell into deeper sleep, I heard his muffled sobbing.
Make of that, what you may.