A funny thing happened on the way to the poker game. Walking through the outskirts of the City I came across a bar where a patron was being loud. Drinking loudly, laughing loudly, talking shit loudly, and doing everything possible to call attention to himself.
Whatever. It’s the City. Welcome to urban life.
The patron looks up and sees me. He recognizes me and starts taunting me, also loudly. His drinking buddies sober up at once when they realize who I am. But I have no fucks about him and his, and continue walking.
He runs up to the fence along the property line and moons me. Whatever. He tries to spit on me, but only manages to dribble on his feet. Whatever. He tries to piss on me, but never works the zipper properly and only pisses himself. I am amused, but still… Whatever.
One of his buddies comes to the fence and apologizes on the drunk patron’s behalf. I refuse to accept the apology. I tell the buddy that he is not responsible for the drunkard’s behavior.
“Why are you so calm, though? That worries me.”
I smile at the buddy’s concern. “I’ll tell you a secret. I’m not the one he has to worry about.” I wink and nod.
“But he said…” I just raise an eyebrow. The buddy thinks things through. “Oh. Now I get it. Okay.”
The buddy turns to leave, but I stop him. “Do you know why patient people make the best Designated Drivers? Because a good DD not only knows to remain sober, not only knows when to drive everyone else home, but is able to deal with the abuse the drunkards will pour out when the DD cuts them off for the night.”
The buddy lingers. “You’re not just talking about alcohol.”
I smile and wave farewell, and continue walking down the street. I had been invited to a poker game and I was almost late as it was…