“Why are you on the cliff edge, anyway?”
“I need the change in perspective. And the distance.”
“Oh. So you’re running again.”
“If I was running, you wouldn’t be here with me. I’m not running. I’m not hiding. I’m looking at things from a different point of view, and from a distance that allows me to see connections I couldn’t see up close.”
“You’re not doing what you said you were supposed to do. That’s running.”
“A lot of what I had said I was supposed to do, was wrong. That’s being honest.”
“So, avoiding obligations is being honest?”
“Fuck you. I’m approachable, still. I’m public, still. I’m writing, still. If this mark glows, I’m there. If this other mark glows, I’ll answer that call. That’s not running, asshole.”
“But you said…”
“I said a lot of things. Two thirds of what I had said was unbreakable truth turned out to be lies, deception, or outright fantasy. And I’ve admitted to that. Pull up anything I have publicly written and call my ass out on it. If I was wrong when I wrote it, I’ll ‘fess up. I have no publishing contract to protect.”
“A lot of people follow your words. They feel wounded by your sudden walling up. They have been led to believe you were something special in their life, and now you are just being a stuck up bitch like all the other big name witches.”
“I know. I don’t know why they came to that conclusion about me. I’ve always made it clear that I’m nothing special. Or at least I have tried to. But I have to choose between trying to live up to a false expectation that I did not build, and actually living. I’ve been a puppet for far too long. If my decision to take care of myself is wounding them, then they need to take a hard look at themselves and their personal decisions for themselves. Because someone put them in the shits, and I tell you, it wasn’t me.”
“What do you see from this cliff edge, then? What keeps you here instead of returning to your path?”
“Who said I’m not on it now? I thought I knew for sure what my path was… A story-teller. I was wrong. That is something I do, but that is not my ‘path’. Just like how I am sometimes a psychopomp, sometimes a tarot reader, sometimes a Speaker, sometimes a dream-walker, sometimes a magus, sometimes a mother, sometimes a lover, sometimes a mask-wearer… I am many things, and have many roles, but none of them is my ‘path’.”
“But what about…”
“But what about you, oh Interviewer? Why are you here with me on the edge of creation? Why are you trying to cast judgment on me when all you have is suppositions and the power of other people’s hurt feelings? You poor thing. Someone called up a spirit to speak doubt and uncertainty in my ear and you got the short stick. I see I still have folks that would cause me ill.”
“… You smile?”
“Darkness comes. And with it, the Shadow that devours. Yes, I smile. Your time is done. Your release will be quick. Good bye.”
#I am not the person I thought I was. #So I stopped trying to be the person I thought I should be. #And now the person I am is starting to show. #And I like it. #I like it lots.