The first dream was just usual family drama/anxiety shit. Okay. Acknowledge that they are getting on my nerves more than usual, note where I slipped, reinforce those boundaries, and move on.
The second dream was all about me. It’s clear to me that I’ll be going on the Path of Cheth soon. I’m catching myself making preparations for confronting the Abyss again. But I still don’t have any damn good reason to do so, and I worry my hubris is about to get my ass snapped in two. Been hoping I would see Little Miss Saturn again so the representation of that planet would explain that other dream. Instead it was a checklist of things I need to confront about myself before stepping away from (in to) Geburah.
The third dream was overwhelming. All I remember was being on my knees, leaning back, mouth open to scream but no sound coming out. My arms hang useless. My eyes are open but I’m blinded by the pervasive light around me. There are several sources of light around me. The beings of light surround me, fencing me in. (Not that I could run even if I had the cognition to form the desire.) One of the beings was standing before me, kir right hand planted firmly around my forehead. Kir grip was pushing me slightly back even as it kept me from falling completely over. I recognized the beings. Angels. I didn’t know why they were there, why I was there, or what was happening. My mind formed a thought. Socheniel. But if that was statement or question, I don’t know. The light pierced my forehead under the angel’s grip and I knew nothing after that.
I woke up with a headache.
I need some coffee.
And a dark, cool room to go back to sleep in.
“Socheniel” was the forced response to a question I did not want to answer. The angel named was not among those present, and it was clear they considered me a hostile witness.
What the question was, I don’t remember. How they got the drop on me, I don’t remember. Spike of light in the forehead, I do remember very fucking well.
Would they know him by that name? No. But they would recognize what that name evokes for me. Everything I know about him, everything I associate with him, colors, emotions, comfort and anxiety. Everything wrapped up in the /label/ titled “Socheniel” was open for them to read.
I’ve been moping around all day wondering if I just betrayed a friend. I want to call him, or try to go to him, but I still don’t remember what they wanted with him in the first place. (Assuming they ever told me that which I doubt.)
Shit like this is not helping my misangelyny misangely.