Me: “I want to know the right words to say. And every time I think I’ve found one of them, I am shown how it is error compounded upon error. The right words are lost and only the wrong words proliferate.”
X: “Does it matter if you say the wrong words?”
Me: “Yes. Because what if I think I’m asking for life but I’m really asking for death?”
X: “But you are. All that lives, dies.”
Me: ~exasperated~ “You know what I mean!”
X: “I do. But do you?”
Me: “… No.”
X: “What do you seek?”
Me: “The right words to say.”
X: “You and every human before you.”
Me: “Some were successful. In the beginning.”
X: “I know many masturbatory stories that start with ‘In the beginning’. You know only what you have been told, the tales told by the loudest mouths, that knew less about the beginning than you. Nothing more.”
Me: “Then tell me the truth!”
X: “You have been told the truth from the beginning. You, and every human before you. But you, and every human before you rejected it because it doesn’t fit your self narrative that you desperately want to happen!”
Me: “… Tell me again. Please.”
X: “It’s too simple for your unnecessarily complex thinking patterns to grasp.”
Me: “If I don’t recognize it, that’s on me. Tell me.”
X: “You’ll run to someone you pretend has more understanding than you and let them fuck it up.”
Me: “I have no ears listening for a weakness. I speak in the vacuum of crowds. I have no teacher and those I wish were peers are disgusted by the sight of me. Tell me.”
X: “There are no right words. No proper language. No secret inflections. All words are profane. All languages distort. All whispering is vain. This is the truth.”
Me: “But then, how do I get there? Where do I start?”
X: “Start where you are. This is the only truth.”