His left hand was holding both of my hands to the ground as I knelt before him. I didn’t realize how large his hands are. His grip was gentle but inescapable. His right hand was on my bowed head. I thought I heard murmuring but it was my bones that felt the repeating sounds.
Was it a second? Was it several hours? I don’t know.
His right hand shifted from on top of my head to my face as I started trembling violently. He released my hands to guide me down to the ground.
My skin remained intact but my flesh and bones were moving towards my head. My internal organs had dissolved and the mass was remaking itself. My mouth and throat expanded as the new thing pushed for room to emerge. My entire body felt like a surrogate womb being emptied of the creature it incubated.
He grabbed it and helped it emerge. My skin remained on the ground, useless. The creature bore…
[memory gap]
…still connected to my skin. Which made sense, as this new thing really wasn’t new, but is me without human flesh. Somehow.
He held its face securely. “I command you, by authority of [static]! Tell me your name!”
It squirmed, extended its wings, and lowered its hands from its face. It opened its mouth and shattered existence with its defying shriek.
The fit I came to awareness in had been going on for a while, so implied the cramping and seizing muscles. I was in a full panic state and would have been crying out except my throat muscles were locked up and I could barely breathe.
Once the fit broke, I remained in bed for another while. (And because I was too exhausted to move.) Weeping from a fear I do not understand nor justify. I know who held my hands. I know why he did it. No maliciousness there. I just didn’t expect that to happen.
I haven’t been back to sleep since.
And now it’s officially time to start the day.
I put him up to it. Kinda. He knew what I wanted to find out and was legitimately concerned that I would seriously fuck myself up if I tried this without parental competent supervision. What’s the worst that could happen? He didn’t answer. Okay, that got my attention.
What prompted me to try was seeing someone else in a form I had heard about but had never personally experienced. I couldn’t stand in kir presence. I couldn’t see. I shielded my eyes, but the light pierced through flesh and bone. It felt like being in a nuclear test field. And this was kir just saying Hello.
So when [he] offered to call [not-Keri] out of me, just long enough to gain something for Keri to grab hold of (a name) for later use, I considered who was offering and jumped at the chance.
It didn’t feel like dying. It felt like giving birth. It felt like this mortal flesh was the chrysalis for something greater and instead of passing it south, it went north. When my throat began to swell and bulge like a thousand botfly larva were having a rave is when my consciousness lost it. I felt it. Even though my flesh was mostly dissolved and reforming under my skin, I felt each and every movement and twitch.
I wasn’t too fond of the sensation.
All I could bring back of the [static] that was called out of me was indignation and defiance. Who the flying fuck was this [entity] to lay hands on me. My name is FUCK YOU, that’s what.
~slurps coffee~
I’m exhausted. That fit really drained me. But the show day must go on. I can not guarantee that I will be civil about it.