I dreamt that one of you Tumblrites invited me to go to a Roman Catholic church with them. Ke wanted to show me that what I had been taught by my quasi-Baptist and Southern Baptist church/cult members about the Roman Catholic church was wrong. A few churches between me and said Tumblrite was identified within mutual driving distance, so we agreed to meet at one church in particular.
We made the usual jokes about being struck by lightning walking in and the odds of being thrown out by a supernatural force but no such shenanigans happened. A priest greeted us soon after we entered. My companion was showing me how to genuflect upon entry and there was some small (but very polite!) discussion between us about what I would be placing myself under by voluntarily going through those motions. The priest overheard enough of our conversation (and studied enough of my body language) to ascertain that I did not belong there.
Now, in the dream, I was dressed in my “ceremonial magician” clothes, which would not raise eyebrows in the mundane world except this dream is set in Southern California. It is too damn hot to be walking around in a black trench coat for 50 weeks out of the year. Sharp white blouse, sharp black slacks, and heeled boots of doom could be overlooked because some business dress codes are that strict. But a trench coat? Yea, the wearer must be up to some shit. (Or is a Constantine fan. Too bad everything I know about Constantine, I know from Tumblr. Haven’t read any of the comics, nor seen the movie.)
So the priest lit into me right away, grilling me about my purpose there and what I planned to ‘take away’ from my visit. After a few sentences I realized the priest thought I was going to try and steal something. “Don’t tell me fools try to steal from the church! This is holy ground!” My wording worked, the priest shifted gears from interrogating me to telling me all about what people have tried to do. He ranted viciously about unholy magicians taking church items for unholy purposes. In the mean time, my fellow Tumblrite is doing kir damnest to keep a straight face when the priest mentions missing candles and suspiciously low levels of holy water in the dispensary.
After the priest exhausted himself, he realized he was venting to a potential convert and was taking out the verbal trash. He finally asked me the question I had been waiting for. “So, what brings you here?”
My companion winks at me as ke speaks before I can even breathe. “My friend has had encounters with the Blessed Virgin Mary…”
“Maybe!”, I interjected. “I’m not Catholic, after all. Don’t know if I should speak of that here, anyway…”
“Well, she’s learned bad information from the Baptists…” Ke waited for the priest to finish rolling his eyes and holding his head. “And asked me to bring her here so she can start learning good information. Oh, and get a rosary.”
My dear Tumblrite companion, I’m going to strangle you.
The priest looked at me in question. “Well, ke’s not wrong… I just need to know the truth. But I’d like to know it without getting preached at. I’ve had a lifetime full of missionary… excess… I mean, I get it. I’m not in line with church doctrine. I just…”
The priest smiled. “So, a rosary? What do you know of the Blessed Mother?”
To my surprise, I did not wince at the word ‘mother’. I chewed on what to say without making myself look like a crackpot. “She represents mercy. Love. Acceptance.” I meant to stop there but my mouth had other ideas. “And is a mother to the motherless.” Tongue status: Bit to bleeding.
“That’s a good start.” He turned to my companion. “And you, are you [a Catholic] too, or just seeking as well?”
“It has been a while, Sir.” Nice non-answer there.
The priest smiled. It was the first genuine smile I’ve seen from him since he greeted us. I felt on edge and anxious. This conversation was going too well, and it was leaving me with a plastic aftertaste. Backing up towards the door as I shuffled transmitted my insecurity. The priest noticed, said I had a good friend to guide me and left us.
“You realize we’re headed to the nearest sushi bar after this and god d…. ” Maybe I shouldn’t push my luck that much. “And bloody hell, you’re buying!”
“As long as it’s an All-You-Can-Eat bar, I’ll agree to that!”
I turned sharply on my heel and (softly) military marched out the door. Once outside I commanded my smartphone to look up “sushi bars near me”. By the time I reached my car, I had identified a place to eat only ten minutes away from my location. My companion took a minute too long to appear. “Alright, what did you snatch?”
“A trinket. For you.”
“I don’t take without compensation, and I have no rights to anything in there!”
“Relax, it’s the butt of a candle. It would be tossed anyway, because the little bit of wax remaining has too much charcoal in it to recycle well. I’ll give it to you at the sushi bar. There’s cameras out here and it’s quite hot. So, where are we headed for lunch?”
~~~
The alarm jarred me from the dream, preventing me from at least having a decent end of the day. I never did get to find out what kind of candle the Tumblrite lifted, and why it was so important to kir that I have it.
So… which one of you was responsible for this, and what’s so damn special about the dregs of a candle? (I have my suspicions, but I’d like to hear y’all theories too.)