The first time my enemy sent me some serious shit, I stamped it “Return To Sender: Postage Due” and stuffed that shit with more densely compacted shit so that it would require a small loan to pay the carriage fees off. The second time my enemy sent me some serious shit, I went to my enemy’s favorite hiding place and fucked it up ten ways to Sunday so that my enemy would never feel comfortable any where again. The third time my enemy sent me some serious shit, I summoned him to the Bridge Over The River and gave him two coins.
“How did you bring me here? What demon are you becoming? What the hell are these coins for? Are you trying to bribe me?” He blustered and tried to leave but was prevented by my bindings.
I ignored his displays and spoke stoically. “One is to pay your return passage across the River.”
He puffed up as he remembered where he was. “Are you threatening me? Have you forgotten who I am!”
“The other is for [your god]. He might as well get some return out of his failed investment in you. Make sure you deliver my gift to him or you’ll have a very long and unpleasant afterlife as he is expecting it.”
My enemy paled at the name of his god that no one was supposed to know. I did not wait for him to recover his ego or his tongue. I turned and left him on the Bridge Over The River. I did not tell him I had released him from the bindings that held him there. He was now free to travel to either end of the bridge.
This is my last act of kindness to my enemy.