I dreamt… well… I dun wanna talk about that one. So lemme talk about this other interstitial one instead…
Over this past winter, I did a thing under a completely different name. I had a lot of fun doing it. I learned some shit. But I was also reminded why certain boundaries had to be erected. For the sake of all, I ended the thing gracefully rather than hurt myself trying to keep it up because that name was developing a following and I didn’t want to just throw folk into the ditch like that.
Only one other person knew who was the person behind that name, and they have kept the secret well.
In this interstitial, I was attending a Tumblr Tarot Meetup (which was the biggest giveaway that I was dreaming, because no) as threedifferentways/thegodthief/noxporium and folks were giving me shit for not being soft and kind in my reading style. Well, at least I’m being called out for something I’ve actually done, this time.
Though I think folks were more upset that I gave no fucks about their callouts. Rude? Yes. Straight to the point? Yes. Use of fucking expletives? Yes. Not softening the message? Yes. Refusing questions I’m uncomfortable with? Yes. No mentions of religious procedures as part of my reading routine? Yes. Treating the cards like a mundane object instead of a holy tool? Yes.
I’m an equal opportunity offender, after all. I don’t single out a demographic to annoy. I annoy them all equally and without favoritism.
Then someone mentioned that name, and said I should have followed that name while they were active on Tumblr. I would have learned a thing or two about how to speak to querents. Someone else said I should have asked for a reading from that name so I would learn how to be a better person. Many heads nodded in agreement.
My laughter offended everyone twice over. But I said nothing.
“Well, to tell you good folk the truth, I am that name!” Another Tumblrite stood up and made this announcement. The audience gasped. Bets were settled. Folks accepted this announcement without question. The imposter spoke that name’s signature catchphrase that was posted every week and the audience melted like butter.
I laughed even louder. “Bullshit. You’re not that name. You’re that name version two. They released the name back to Tumblr, and whoever wanted to snatch it up after their departure can take it. They intentionally avoided leaving identifiers in their posts, to the point of changing self pronouns with each post. He, she, they, kir. The wording style was intentionally stilted to look like they knew English as a second language, but also intentionally stilted to avoid the wording style they normally used in personal posts. You memorized a jingle. Fucking good for you. You snatched the username from spammers. Good for you. But that name made it clear they did the things they did so no one could positively identify them during their exercise or after. Hell, for all you know, I could be that name, but the way they scorched the earth after their departure, I could never prove it. And neither can you.”
There were mutterings of agreement around me as folks that read that name’s readings realized how indistinct the identifiers were. All anyone really had to go on to sort out who they were, was the deck they were using (a limited edition), and their writing style.
And we all know how style can be imitated, don’t we.
Someone challenged me to explain why I didn’t step up as admitting to being that name when the exercise ended if I really was that name.
“Because I’m Keri. I was threedifferentways then, and thegodthief now. I’m Noxporium. I’m harsh, offensive, and a verbal fillet knife. I don’t give a fuck about your feelings when I read for you. I only care about getting the answer you need to hear, and to hell with what you’re wishing for. That name is kind, empathic, and gentle. That name still wished to get for you the answer you needed, but they cradled the heart of the querent instead of dissecting it when answering. That name is a persona that no one would ever believe I could be, so why brag about something that would never be accepted without proof. Especially when all the proof was intentionally destroyed, right down to the cheesy as fuck elementary art avatar.”
Some folks wanted to believe. Some folks wanted to shank me for speaking that name. Everyone had their own opinion about who that name could be, but everyone wound up agreeing that it was impossible to prove or disprove who that name really was.
I was reminded then that I was dreaming, and I openly questioned why this subject would come up.
In my ear, I heard a voice that sounded the way I would think that name’s posts would be narrated. “Because you are forgetting that when you look in the mirror, you are wearing a mask to yourself. You have forgotten that for all the faces you show others, you never truly see your own. You have to feel your own, and feel it from your heart.”
Oh. Yea. Huh.
Be kind to yourself, folks. The world sure as hell isn’t going to be.
~end interstitial~