New

It took him longer to pick out the right color of thread, than it did to sew up the ruptured seam. The buttons came from an old handmade sweater that he had long ago outgrew. He buffed them back to shiny brightness and sewn them on the teddy bear’s face for eyes. The same sweater’s sleeves were transformed into little mittens, complete with little pompoms.

Little by little, he repaired the old teddy bear. As he did, the memories of when he saw it came to mind. He first saw it on his grandmother’s piano, where it stood as mute witness to the family’s inability to sing on key. In the summer, the teddy bear sat on the swing next to the matriarch, as she knitted winter gloves and told old forgotten tales. He spied it in his grandmother’s room, sitting in a position of privilege, on her bed.

His grandmother had made it, hoping to pass it on to a granddaughter one day. But of the woman’s descendents, only males had been born. He would ask for it, but she refused to give it to him, saying it was improper for a boy to play with a girl’s things.

Three weeks ago, she had been admitted into the hospital. When word finally reached him a few days later, it was with the understanding she would probably never return to her crocheted table mats, to her hand crank ice cream maker, to her knitting baskets still filled with winter scarfs half-made.

He snuck the key from his father’s housebox, and let himself into his grandmother’s house. The condition of the house was deteriorating like the proud owner. She had never let anyone know of her increasing frailty. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do once inside, and looking at all the work that needed to be done, he was dismayed at how little he could accomplish.

Then he saw the teddy bear. It had fallen over in the paramedic’s rush to take her away. It lay on the floor, nibbled by rats and covered in dust. He knew then, what to do.

Privately, he worked on the bear. He consulted a few confidants for advice, but he did the work himself. Yesterday, he was told his grandmother was now allowed to have visitors. Today, he finished restoring the bear.

~~~

“Grandma. Good morning.” The thin woman’s eyes squinted against the bright light in her room. It was all he could do to hold back tears. This was not where his regal grandmother was supposed to be sleeping. She looked up at him, quizzically.

“Paul.” Her voice was more rush of air than sound of voice.

“Yes, M’am.”

“Paul, what are you doing here? I’m in a peculiar way and you should not be here! Why, this is an invasion of my privacy!” She was embarrassed to be in the hospital. Embarrassed to be treated like an invalid. So many visitors had come to treat her like an addled child.

“Well, M’am. I have something for you, and I wanted to give it to you without my father knowing first.” He lifted the large shopping bag and held it in front of him. She looked at his bright beaming smile and decided to verbally cut it off his face.

“I already know about your… inexcusable behavior.” It was no secret Paul is homosexual. But being in an open relationship with another man scandalized his grandmother.

Paul ignored the stab. “They told me the doctors want to make absolutely sure you can’t sue them later. ” She harrumphed in agreement with him. “Which means you’ll be here alone for a few weeks more, I’m told.” She started to sit up to launch into one of her famous tirades, but the action exhausted her. Instead she leaned back and stared stubbornly out of the window.

His words sunk in, and she realized he was up to something. “What did you bring, Paul?”

“Do forgive me, Grandmother.” Him calling her by her familial title made her suspicious.

“Forgive you for what?”

“For entering your house without permission.”

“What did you steal from me, you hell bound faggot!” This time, she was successful in making him flinch. She sat smirking in satisfaction as he opened the bag and retrieved the teddy bear.

He stepped forward and sat it on her bed. Paul opened his mouth a few times in an attempt to speak, but each time the tears came forward instead. She looked at the bear in confusion and anger. How dare he enter her house and take her most prized possession!

Finally, he was able to speak through the tears. “I’ve always seen you with this teddy bear. No matter where you go, even when you drive around the countryside, you always have this teddy bear with you. It would not be proper for you to be bereft of the bear after all these years. So I… So I…”

He wiped more tears away. “So I snuck into your house to get the bear. But something had ch… ” He paused, not wanting to admit what both of them knew. “Some dust had stained the bear in places, so I cleaned it up and…”

She snapped quick questions, cutting him off. “Where did these mittens come from? And these eyes? And who dared to redo my seam!” She was fingering it gently, trying to hold her rage at herself for snapping, and her shame for her verbal abuse of the only descendent that had ever treated her like an adult.

“Remember the sweater you made for me? I can’t fit it anymore, so I cut off the sleeves to make mittens. I couldn’t repair the paws the way they should be. And the eyes came from the same sweater.”

“You… You did this?” He nodded.

“I’ll leave you now, M’am. I don’t want to tire you and the doctors are timing how long I can visit.” He picked up the empty bag and turned to leave.

“Paul.” He stopped at the door. “Since you’re so good at breaking into my house, go back and fetch me the wicker basket with the satin bows.” He turned and looked at her. “I need to teach you how to make a proper seam stitch. This… ” She gestured over the bear, and a single tear snuck down her face. “This isn’t an old bear anymore, it’s now something new. And you should know how to care for it properly.”

“Yes, M’am.” He smiled a hopeful smile.

“Besides. I hear they’re letting homosexual couples adopt now. Any man that can pick up a needle and thread is going to be able to care for a child. Since none of my other grandchildren are keeping their family duty, I supposed it’s up to you to put them to shame.”

“Grandma?”

“What, Paul?”

“Are you nagging me about giving you great-grandchildren?”

“No, Paul, I’m wondering why my wicker sewing basket isn’t in my lap yet, and when you’re going to introduce me to my great-grandchild’s other father?” She had recovered her composure very quickly, and had become the demanding matriarch once more.

“Yes, M’am. Later today, M’am. Good bye, Grandmother.”

“Good bye, Paul.” He closed the door after her. As she held the repaired bear, she admitted to herself she really was not comfortable with her grandson’s lifestyle. She fingered the bear’s mittens. He had adapted the teddy bear to the new reality, maybe she could adapt as well.

“He better adopt a girl first, or I’m going to split him in two!”

~fin~

(Written for, and inspired by, Sunday Scribblings #300: “New“)