Once upon a time, I was an Army servicewoman. I had enlisted shortly before Persian Gulf Conflict #1, but as a female, it was a certainty that I would never see “action”. During the midst of the troubles, I had managed to score some leave time and flew home to see my parents.
I packed very light. The only formal wear I had were my dress greens, which I wore on the flight. They were very glad to see me, and whisked me straight from the airport to dinner at a (then) upscale restaurant. I begged for time to change into different clothes, but they were insistent I wear the uniform. My veteran father was proud to see me in them, so I did my filial duty and wore them proudly for him.
The restaurant was packed that day, with wait times up to 2 hours. Of course, my parents did not make reservations. Perfect time to go home and change, right? I noticed the crowd eying my uniform, and was a bit uneasy about it. I remember my father’s stories of how uniformed servicemen were publicly treated in the 70’s. I heard whispers all around me. “Army”, “woman”, “active”, “one of them”, “do you think”.
Continue reading “A Memorial Day Telling”
Think of the Fortune card from the Thoth tarot. See the wheel? See the triangle behind it? See the vivid blue of the card’s background?
My first awareness is movement. I am moving consistently forward and consistently moving to the right. I open my eyes, and see I am sitting on the hub of a large wheel. Perched sidesaddle on the horizontal wheel, I see vividly deep blue in all directions. Flashes of lightning streak randomly. The wheel is gold, with ten spokes connecting the rim to the center hub. There is only the wheel, and myself sitting upon the rim.
I feel like I am moving. But I have no reference to judge my movement by. The wheel could be still, and I would not know the difference.
Continue reading “Dream: The Wheel”
Spent the afternoon writing essays, poems, and monologues. I aimed to post a few here. Sat down at the keyboard and froze.
Fear of being laughed at. Fear of someone raging/trolling on the hint of vulnerability I have exposed. Fear of speaking my opinion and watching helplessly as someone shits on it with a huge “You’re WRONG! STFU!”
Continue reading “Rage Dump: Incoherent Temper Tantrum”
THERE are seven keys to the great gate,
Being eight in one and one in eight.
First, let the body of thee be still,
Bound by the cerements of will,
Corpse-rigid; thus thou mayst abort
The fidget-babes that tease the thought.
Next, let the breath-rhythm be low,
Easy, regular, and slow;
So that thy being be in tune
With the great sea’s Pacific swoon.
Third, let thy life be pure and calm,
Swayed softly as a windless palm.
Fourth, let the will-to-live be bound
To the one love of the profound.
Fifth, let the thought, divinely free
From sense, observe its entity.
Watch every thought that springs; enhance
Hour after hour thy vigilance!
Intense and keen, turned inward, miss
No atom of analysis!
Sixth, on one thought securely pinned
Still every whisper of the wind!
So like a flame straight and unstirred
Burn up thy being in one word!
Next, still that ecstasy, prolong
Thy meditation steep and strong,
Slaying even God, should He distract
Thy attention from the chosen act!
Last, all these things in one o’erpowered,
Time that the midnight blossom flowered!
The oneness is. Yet even in this,
My son, thou shall not do amiss
If thou restrain the expression, shoot
Thy glance to rapture’s darkling root,
Discarding name, form, sight, and stress
Even of this high consciousness;
Pierce to the heart! I leave thee here:
Thou art the Master. I revere
Thy radiance that rolls afar,
O Brother of the Silver Star!
(Liber ABA, Book Four, Part II)
The vision incurred by stepping where I had no business to.
Venus, Bright Star of Heaven, Glory of Womanhood! She did embrace me completely and sweep me up into her wake. As Hathor did I speak the words of Venus. She draped her light about my arms as a feathered cloak, and the Uraeus upon my head did become a headdress of 18 snakes draped over head and shoulders. As Hathor, did I open my mouth and speak:
(Before my eyes, I saw a vision of multitudes of heavy chains)
The Woman is bound! Release Her!
(A vision of a healthy naked, black skinned woman, bound in heavy chains. The weight prevents her from rising off her knees, but she struggles against them fiercely and with determination.)
Her path is not yours to decide.
Undo Her fetters completely!
If She moves, it is by Her will.
If She remains, it is by Her will.
(The vision moves to Her face, it is familiar to me. Her skin is black as darkest night. Her eyes glow with power and the iris is silver. The face grimaces in simmering anger.)
She shall be free. One way or another.
It will be better for you, that you release Her.
For if She releases Herself, She will destroy you completely.
Free the Woman bound!
The form of Hathor-Venus lifts off of me. I saw Her standing before me, Her arms outstretched over me. “The words are spoken. Depart.”
The vision ends abruptly, I scramble for journal and pencil and write all I saw before the memory fades. I note the time, what felt like 5 minutes of experience had been 45 minutes of passing.
While journeying over There, I was challenged by a warden of sorts. He demanded to know who I was. He didn’t care where I was going or who I was going to see. All that mattered was “Who are you?”.
I gave him no name. No grand title nor position nor nickname nor nomenclature. Instead, I answered with many, many descriptors.
“I am She that kissed Death yet lives. I am the tree that [hidden name] carved as He willed. I am the venom of the Cobra and the coils thereof…”
(Lots more, but you get the idea.)
Continue reading “Dream: What’s in a Name?”
Had a horrid dream last night. I had to workout a math equation in my head. The more I focused on it, the greater the surrounding darkness tried to stop me.
If I diverted my attention to defending myself, the numbers slipped away and I had to start over. I got to the point where I just went ahead with the math and if the Darkness destroyed me, oh well.
So I did the equation, arriving at a result, and converted that result to the proper format. And the Darkness fell upon me and ripped me bodily apart.
I woke up screaming. Was hard to go back to sleep.
(108 * 4 * 2)/60
The answer is in decimal minutes. Convert to min:sec for complete answer.
I know what the numbers refer to in the mundane. I wonder if they have an esoteric importance as well.
And yes, my math in the dream was correct.
I was a teacher at a school. Just caught a kid trying to sneak drugs into the class to sell. Made him stand out in the hall. We just stood there, waiting for the police to show. He was bragging that nothing would happen to him, that he’d be back home that night. I was warning him that nothing is ever hidden forever, and if he didn’t stop this shit, he was going to hurt himself more than anyone else could. Continue reading “Dream: PSA”
I’m running. The upper third and ceiling of the hall is lined with pipes. Some of them are leaking steam into the hallway, but I’m not close enough to the venting to be burned by it.
I’m clothed in nondescript clothing. The fabric covers me loosely and adequately. It reminds me somewhat of nurse’s scrubs, except the color is dark sand instead of hospital blue. Continue reading “Dream: Of Gods And Water”