Sounding The Current: Chapter 10 – Tug O’War

Shortly before noon, Lisa woke up again. She laid in bed and stared at the ceiling, not believing in its dull and unchanging surface. She stretched and rolled over, waiting for a judge to appear from out of nowhere to be standing or sitting in the best place to surprise her. After several minutes, she chased herself out of the bed with what she initially thought would be just a small and routine fart.

After cleaning herself up and getting some lunch, she sat down with the cards again. She knew that no matter what was told to her in the Moon’s ordeal, that the Tarot (capital T) cycle was going to continue with her or to her as each card’s challenges and revelations were settled. Compared with the horror stories she had read online, the Tower’s ordeal was quick, to the point, and easy to understand. But then again, Lisa was now willing to face her part in what the Tower revealed. She could imagine how much more terrifying and destructive that lesson would have been if she had insisted on accepting no responsibility for herself.

She stacked the deck on top of the laid out cards in the order that Rebecca had placed them, and then moved the Tower to the bottom of the stack. The Devil (XV) now was face up on both decks. Lisa looked over the decorated card and was glad she had the plain handwritten card to stare at instead.

Something like a green bug with human-like hands took up the bulk of the image. In one hand, it held an orange bell with a cracked side. In the other hand, it was holding up a small white human-like thing. Two other human-like things were on the ground beside it. The image gave the impression of maliciousness, control, and gratuitous violence even though there was no gore to be seen. It made Lisa uncomfortable to look at.

The decorated deck’s keywords for the card were “Addiction, Sexuality, and Temptation”, but the torn list’s catchphrase was “Who holds your leash? Not me.” While the contradiction was not as extreme as the Star, Lisa felt that whoever wrote the list of catchphrases was passing the buck.

Despite the name of the card and the image on the decorated deck’s Devil, Lisa was not worried. She had managed to make it this far in her life without any addictions like smoking, drugs, and sex, and though she did use her sexuality as a tool to get what she wanted, she made sure she did not wind up someone else’s tool to be used. The cards she had endured already saw to her temptations of not wanting to act like a grownup adult, and as a result of that, this card had no power over her. Or so she told herself.

She checked her payroll app to see what schedule was so she could plan her Saturday night fun around it. After all, this entire week has been a massive clusterfuck of what the hell, and she deserved to take some time for herself and just make the best of it. The app had her scheduled to be “on call” from six o’clock in the evening to ten o’clock at night at her now defunct restaurant job, and a tentative schedule from four o’clock in the afternoon to eight o’clock at night at the mall cellphone kiosk job.

Lisa confirmed the kiosk job but left the restaurant schedule alone. She had not filed for unemployment for the loss of the primary source of her income and was not sure if she should do so anyway. Seeing the schedule reminded her that she should be using her free time to secure another job or get more hours at the jobs she already works at.

But that was something that she could handle tomorrow, she told herself. Sunday was for serious business and Saturday was for having as much fun as possible. Not having to be at the mall until that afternoon gave her at least three hours to do whatever she wanted to do. Like spending the money that Jean gave her.

It wasn’t until she was fully dressed and was counting the cash that she realized what she was doing. Having this much money available to her in one sitting was rare to her, and to have it physically in hand was something she had not had for a long while. She wanted to spend money like she was a kid again, when everything was good and both of her parents were there to encourage her to spend “like a grown up”.

“I… I should be responsible and save this money for later. I don’t know when I’ll get more hours or another job and I do have rent to pay in two weeks, so…” She put the bulk of the cash in the pocket of a coat and took only enough money to get her through the day. Looking at the thin pinch of twenties, she came to the conclusion that there was no sense in going out anywhere on that kind of budget.

She put her purse on the counter, took her phone, and collapsed on her couch with as much dramatic flair as the thin cushions would comfortably allow her. Scrolling through her social media feeds, she caught up on gossip and the plans of those folk she would normally have been hanging out with by now.

She saw rumors of her arrest (detainment, Lisa thought sullenly) had expanded into her being quickly taken into a witness protection program to be relocated in another city because it was speculated that either she destroyed the restaurant to cover up crimes (or ineptitude) or to prevent the restaurant owner from blackmailing her. Lisa noted that some of her coworkers at the call center had further stirred the pot by claiming that she didn’t come to work on their shift.

She did not correct anyone’s assumptions.

Other social media “friends” had made a plan to meet up at a club tonight, their target time was ten at night. Lisa considered asking for an invite to the meetup, but realized either she showed up in a ride-share which meant she had money and would be hit up to share the wealth, or she asked for a ride from someone already going which meant she was broke and would be hit up for sex. She wasn’t comfortable with either option.

“It’s the Devil card’s turn. That means if I’m going to get through it okay, I have to avoid all temptation. So, it’s simple. Stay home until it’s time to go to work, then go to work, and then come straight home. And that’s how I win!”

For all Lisa’s bravado, she felt that she was fooling herself again. She told herself that abstaining from all adult fun activities for one day would be a breeze for her to do, she still had to face that she fucked up the easiest interview in the world because the one day that she had to do just that, she did not, and she chose not to do so with deliberate abandon.

Lisa swung her legs around and sat up properly on the chair. “This card isn’t going to be easy to get through. I mean, I fucked up on something so simple, and now I’m supposed to be watching out for things and people that I get up to when I’m stressed out over something so simple? That’s not fair!”

Lisa had just about driven herself to tears in frustration when her phone rang in her hand. She recognized the tone and knew who was calling her. She really did not want to talk to any family member right now, but if there was one who she could be civil to, it would be her sister, Jean.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Listen, uh, thank you. For paying the electric bill. I was almost late with it.”

“You were late with it. And, you’re welcome.”

Lisa laid back down on the couch. She thought she might as well get into the headache pose in advance. “So, you didn’t call to hear me apologize. What’s up?”

“Just checking on you. I hadn’t heard from you since I dropped you off and you haven’t returned any of my messages or texts. I’ve had a few folks ask me if you had left town because of all the posts about you in a witness protection program or something.”

Lisa laughed. She could feel her sister’s disapproval through the phone. “No, I haven’t run off. I’ve been at work with my other jobs, but I haven’t run off.” Lisa thought about the encounter with tarot cards. “I’ve just been… preoccupied… lately.”

“What’s his name and did he bring a recent test sheet with him? Is he clean?” Jean’s question was quick and short. Lisa knew Jean was someone who went straight to the point, but even this quickness annoyed her.

“I’ve been alone and that’s rude of you to even ask that question, much less make the assumption. So if you’re wondering if I’ve spent your money on someone else, no I haven’t. I even have most of the cash still. It’s stashed for when my income runs out. I’ve got more important things on my mind than just fucking around.”

Lisa interpreted Jean’s reply of silence as a silent condemnation of both the surface meaning of her words and the pun she didn’t realize until after she had said it. Lisa was proud of the wording.

“You don’t get to lecture me about what is or is not rude. But I’m glad to see you’re taking some steps to adulthood. Listen, I wasn’t going to tell you this, but your landlord is twice as ratty as you are. Your rent is paid up for next month. I have the receipt if he tries to pressure you into paying again. Save the money like you’re doing.”

It was Lisa’s turn to be quiet for a while. “Okay. Thank you.”

The silence kept them on the phone, waiting for the other to start speaking again. Finally, Jean broke the peace.

“Aunt Helen asked about you.” Lisa winced. “She asked about you because a lawyer asked about you. Something about the restaurant. And the owner’s son. So. I need to ask you, were you hooking up with him?”

Lisa wished she were having this conversation in her bedroom. At least there she could get a pillow to cover her face with and maybe self-suffocate to avoid this conversation.

“Fuck, Jean… you’re really not going to tell…”

“Fuck, Lisa, she probably already has the fucking videos, but she still wants you to come clean about it. Were you fucking the restaurant owner’s son?”

Lisa covered her eyes and thought about the Devil card. “Yes. I was.”

“What did you get out of it? Woohoos? Food? Something traded in kind?”

“Jesus Fucking Christ, Jean, is this the fucking inquisition or something? You wanna know if he made me cum as well?”

Lisa could hear Jean’s teeth grinding as Jean chose her words carefully. “Listen, bitch, the lawyer is insinuating that he has something on you that could connect us to whatever happened in that restaurant. He is also insinuating that for a nice tidy amount that will likely be equal to whatever we think our inheritance will be, he can make those possible connections never happen. But Aunt Helen doesn’t pay blackmailers, so she needs to know if there’s a chance that you did something that would back up his threats!”

“Oh.”

“Yea, fucking oh. So, what did you get out of the hookups and are there recordings of them?”

Lisa thought of all the ways that she could lie to Jean and maybe get away with it. She thought of the few ways that she could lie to Jean and definitely get away with it. She thought of the Devil card, and the catchphrase. “Who holds your leash? Not me.”

Lisa kept her eyes covered as if Jean was sitting in the room and staring at her. “Okay. I got mostly food, to be honest. Never money. Sometimes a ride to a club or someplace. And as far as I know, never recorded on video. And that’s it. I mean, yea, there were a couple of times when he should have fired me but we made up in the stock… room… oh. The fire started in the stockroom. DID THAT BASTARD SAY I HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT?!”

Jean’s reply was frigid. “Women’s panties were found in the rubble. They don’t have your name, but let’s just say this isn’t the first time I’ve heard of your job retention policies. Was there anything else? Tell me now, Lisa, because Aunt Helen is ready to write you off and I can’t do anything if she does. She will sacrifice you to save the family, so is there anything else between you and him and anyone else connected to the restaurant?”

Lisa thought again of the Devil card and asked herself who was holding whose leash in this conversation. “The family? Aunt Helen would sacrifice God if it meant owning the Devil. There’s nothing else. It was just sex and food. He wanted me to try some street shit with him, but I kept it to just sex and food.” She almost added that she didn’t give him any leashes, but Lisa realized that Jean would have a completely different interpretation of that phrase and even if Jean knew what Lisa was talking about, she didn’t want that conversation with her.

The silence resumed again. Jean split it first. “Well, that’s not worth paying for, so I’ll let Aunt Helen know that the asshole is bluffing with nothing. You’re keeping out of trouble. Good. If you can keep it up for a few more weeks, I might be able to get you another shot at that job or something like it.”

The thought of the Devil card would not leave Lisa, to the point where it was becoming more irritating than Jean. “And what would I owe you for this? What leash is attached to it? What else do I have to give up to be presentable to you? Or should I ask, to Aunt Helen?”

“Now, look, Lisa!”

Suddenly infuriated, Lisa sat up and yelled into the phone. “No! YOU look! The only reason you are talking to me right now is because Aunt Fucking Helen told you ask me what dick size I’m taking! And you’re doing it! Not to check up on me, which you’ve been doing online all this time! Not to make me feel like we might actually be sisters or some shit! But because someone has offended Aunt Helen’s delicate sensibilities! And now you’re dangling a job in front of me, when you’ve already put down so much money already?! What is your profit margin in this? What is your projected return on investment? Which of your leashes is being yanked hard enough that you’re trying to leash me in turn!”

Lisa’s voice broke under the pressure of rage and sorrow. She took the hint and fell silent as she placed the phone on the table next to the couch. She covered her face with her hands and braced herself for the usual insults and accurate accusations that Jean will reply with.

“That’s not fair.” It took Lisa a few seconds to realize that Jean had said those words and not her.

“What’s not fair?” Lisa wanted to laugh at the sudden reversal of the script.

“That you accusing me of treating you like… You’re not an asset to be managed. You’re my sister, and accusing me of treating you like anything else is not fair. There is so much to Aunt Helen’s position that you don’t know. So much to mine. If you had only…”

“No.” Lisa cut Jean off. “No, we’re not going to run that script again. You’re right. There is a fucking lot that I don’t know about Aunt Helen’s life, or yours, but I’m not going to sit here and let you pull out the usual excuses about Mom and Dad and what we had to do after they… left. I’m not. Because that’s not Mom asking about my panties in the stockroom, and that’s not Dad trying to keep me quiet in the corner.”

Lisa took a quick breath before Jean could cut in. “I appreciate you bailing me out earlier this week, and I very much appreciate you paying the electric bill and the rent and giving me enough money to be able to make better decisions right now, but don’t do this to me. Don’t be Aunt Helen’s remote controlled leash. Don’t try to collar me to fit the family’s expectations, because we both know by now what that expectation is.”

“If anyone else comes to you or Aunt Helen and say they have dirt on me about whatever the fuck crime they’re offering to cover up, feel free to fucking bury them. I’ll own up to my shit, but I’m going to settle my shit with the right people for the right reasons from now own. Okay?”

It was a full minute before Jean responded. “Okay.”

It was two minutes before Jean spoke again. “At least answer my texts so I don’t have to bother you with a phone call again. I know you have work this afternoon. … You still have work this afternoon, right?”

“Yea. I do. At the mall with the kiosk. So I should get ready for that.”

“Okay. Take care, Lisa.”

“You too, Jean.”

The call ended with neither one of them saying anything more than that.

Lisa sat still on the couch for some time. She had gotten into the habit a long time ago of setting an alarm when it was time to leave for any of her shifts, and she had not heard that alarm yet. For all the embarrassment that Lisa’s line of interrogation gave her, it was the Devil tarot card that was refusing to leave Lisa’s awareness.

She had read online that the same tarot card could have different meanings to different readers and it depended more on the life experiences of the readers to establish what card meant what. Lisa had always felt that any offer of help that Aunt Helen extended to people was really a trap laid by the Devil to steal someone’s soul. So it would make complete sense for the Devil card to be about her personal devil and not extreme experiences with sex and addiction and carelessness that for all of her authority defiant behavior, never really came close to.

Silently, Lisa stood and went to the table. She picked up the Devil card and examined the mold-green and muscular-red image. It no longer turned her stomach to look at. Of course it wouldn’t, she thought, as she has been face to face with something far more monstrous already.

As she moved the Devil card to the bottom of the stack, the alarm for her kiosk job sounded, signalling the end of another beginning.

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