Shit is getting to the point where all I’ll have to do is post the word “bitch”, and you’ll know that Keri/Weaver got her ass spiritually ganked and thrown in the spiritual boot again.
It’s getting easier and easier to the point where I am almost as easy to horse as I was when I was certifiably mad. The difference now is I know who I am and who I am not. Which is good for my sense of self but bad for my consideration not to use expletives so fucking much. I also have my “safety net” so that with very few exceptions, anything that does gank me will find itself surrounded by spiritual strongthings who make it very damn clear where the boundaries are and that they will bounce the mofo because it’s a day that ends in “y” and also fuck you.
I’m being trained, or rather, retrained. For all my bitching, there is a protocol that must be fulfilled before the gate is even allowed to open. It’s not like I just pick up the phone at work and *snap* I’m gone. There are certain conditions that must be met, and certain offerings/collateral that must be made, and certain oversights that must be in place, and certain safeguards that must be ready. And then, I can be pushed aside/through with only a puff of air.
I realize the vast majority of the horsing/riding shenanigans over yonder (that are so damn plentiful in the past three months I haven’t bothered to post them because then I’ll have no time for anything else) were to teach me trust. That it’s okay to let go in certain situations. And that I’m not alone in this. (And I may never have been alone, but that’s another thousand words in need of cat herding.)
One of y’all made mention in my ask box that the reason why I was learning community skills as a unconnected loner is so when the community appears, I’ll be ready to step in and step up from the first go.
I can see that now. I have no idea what the hell kind of community would want me, but if they’re willing to uphold the social contract, so am I.