The Trend Of The Responses To My “Observations”

This was originally posted on my Tumblr: Three More Ways on August 23rd, 2012. This also belongs here, if for nothing else, so it won’t be overlooked.

The trend of the responses from “Observations” that hit my inbox is disheartening and sadly, expected. A majority is “Surely, not I?” with a liberal rub down of “You’re welcome at my table/circle!”. But I’m not asking for a table/circle to join. I said clearly I walk alone and am in peace with that. I’ve made my own Safe Place, and it feels like many have missed the point. I wasn’t asking. I’m telling. This is what happened directly to me, and I am not the only one. This isn’t a bad dream that will fade away if I find the Right Ones. Don’t extend offers that imply if taken, will make all the hurt go away. (These are the asks that I did not publish.)

I feel like a lot of respondents view me as a token piece. I rejected apologies because from this side of the color line, they are pandering. I know (American) polite society has taught us to use “I’m sorry.” as a way of expressing sympathy with others. But on this side of the color line, it often means “I’m sorry you called our asses out so I’m going to play nice and make myself look good for the world to see!”. That’s why I replied not to worry about me, but to look out for those in your direct sphere of influence instead. There is a time for social graces, and a time for social action. Grace isn’t gracious right about now.

Bigots come in all shades. You darker skinned folk that accused me of wanting to be white, of forsaking the gods of my ancestors, of playing Uncle Tom and sucking Whitey’s dick in a humiliating attempt to show myself approved: You Racist Fucks. You are just as much as the problem as those white folk that view paganism as just another colonial property. I’m of mixed blood, even just counting the past two generations. Go back four, and I span continents. Go back eight, and there is not a major phenotype that has not contributed to the sturdy mix that is me. Which ancestor is the “right” ancestor to claim? If you would have me chasing pantheons, which one would be content with 1/16 of a person? Would you still claim I’m black enough when I can pass the paper bag test in Winter? You shame your gods with your deeds. With your own words, you lay curses and traps at your feet. Your bigotry justifies and precisely mirrors the hate and self-entitlement of culturally appropriating white folk. Also: Fuck. You.

So many folk are making a big deal out of their local (read: offline) spaces. You’re missing half the post. Where is the hue and cry about Public Internet Spaces being whitewashed? Why did anyone not pick up where I said my posts were being removed once I speak up? I’ve been banned from Facebook groups for daring to claim, and show, a person of color can use runes and tarot. I’ve been accused of racebaiting when I ask why it’s okay for indigenous gods to be portrayed as fresh off the coast of Ireland, but if someone paints what Freya would look like if she came from the Phillipines, it’s sacrilege. Public pagan spaces are dominated by white neo-pagans, and no quarter is given. It is in this arena, those that have read my words can have the greatest impact. Silence. Not one response addressed that.

I’ll be going through my blog later. A lot of the public responses will be made private. I am being used as the token Feel Good minority in a commercial for the dominant culture and it feels dirty.

tl;dr: If this riles you up, do something. Don’t pour words of social graces on me. Look around and make sure you aren’t doing the same, even unwittingly.

Sets mic on stand.

Exit. Stage left.