I’ve skirted around the issue on Twitter and here on my blog many times. Have placed so much between the lines, there are acres between the furrows. On a few occasions, I’ve actually come right out and said things plainly, but apparently, not plainly enough.
For my regular readers, I apologize for stating the blatantly obvious.
I am beholden to Loki. I guess, that makes me a “Lokean”. The how’s and why’s of this doesn’t matter. Point blank, I’m his servant until he decides I’m not. (As an aside, be careful, boys and girls, what you promise a debt to, and the terms of that debt.)
I’ve been under his thumb for over a year, that that’s after another year of actively dodging his red-haired ass before finally being cornered. Some of you readers have asked me, “What good could come of having dealings with that evil bastard?”
What good, indeed. These are a direct result of having to deal with Blood-Boiler:
- I’ve learned how to stand up for myself, even in the face of overwhelming bullying.
- I’ve discovered I’m good with my hands, and can craft what I need to craft.
- I’ve learned how to deal with traumatic events in my past, and blood-curdling events that are still ongoing.
- I discovered the runes, and found I really was capable of magic.
- I’ve become more of an strong independent person, and less of a whiny little bitch.
Note that last bullet. Having Loki’s hand on my neck has strengthened me, as it took a Loki to haul my ass out of the Pity Party I was living in. No one can save me, but me. And I’m starting to do a damn good job of it.
Nowhere in that list is what the public at large thinks Lokeans are. No where in my todo list is:
- Talking shit to you just to make you cry.
- Breaking your things because I can.
- Spreading horrid rumors and gossip just to watch the aftermath.
- Invoking dark and evil things for the hell of it.
- Generally being an Archduke of Douchy Dickishness.
- Railing against the world because beauty still exists.
Those dipshits that brag of being a follower of Loki, that sow chaos everywhere and delights in the madness of drug-fueled rages (including alcohol), aren’t Lokean. They are assholes in need of corrective measures. I’ll help. “Loki made/told me to do it” is the pagan version of “The Devil made/told me to do it.” It’s a copout either way, and an empty excuse.
I’m not asking for acceptance. (Much.) I’m just explaining myself. And trying to diffuse some rage. Because two people, that I care for very much, if they ever knew how deeply Loki is in my life, would not only shun me for the association, but would actually take up magical and physical acts to destroy the bond between me and Loki. And that fucking hurts that I can’t be accepted for what I am, only for the mask they have mistaken for me.
I’ll admit this, however. I have taken a hard look at how I treat adherents of my former Christian faith. I was castigating them for the same thing, following a god I disagree with. Accepting them for who they are, in total, has helped heal some of my own wounds. Funny how that works out.
Make of that, what you may.
Comments
4 responses to “Wanna Hear A Secret?”
[…] Hear A Secret? Jul132011 Written by […]
I have always had a bit of a bone to pick with the whole “Nordic Satan” stance that it seems so many hold to in regards to Loki nowadays. The comparison practically ignores the key characteristics of both in some misguided attempt to shoehorn the two together, which I imagine is often due to people coming from christian backgrounds and using these comparisons to ease the transition, in much the way some try to make Valhol into some Nordic heaven.
Satan, literally the accuser, brings about no good whatsoever. He is a “pure” force, who moves in only one direction without any apparent deviation, outside of some popular fiction. If Yahweh wants something, he does the opposite of that or tries to undo it, and nothing else. That is his only real purpose- to be an unquestioned enemy, something for people to rally against. He is a mudslide, just plowing forward and downward, trapped in that one direction.
Loki, however, is a very different sort. He brings good and ill, is friend and foe alike, and is more of a chaotic force than a “pure” one. In the end he proves more of a bane to the gods than anything else, but that does not undo the good he has done or deprive him of who he is. He has more in common with coyote and Reynard than he ever would with Satan, especially when considered outside of Ragnarok.
Where I see Satan as a blindly plowing mudslide, I see Loki more as the fire he is said to represent. He is capable of good and aid, but only if he is watched to the extent that he can be. When you take your eyes off of him for even a moment, however, he tends to flare up into destructiveness and mischief. I wouldn’t invite him into my hall for much the same reason why I wouldn’t leave a lit candle unattended- to me it’s just asking for trouble, and I would probably richly deserve whatever ill came from it, as I all but brought it down on my own head.
So, while I do not particularly want old Scar Lip dipping his hand and games into my life, I neither hate him nor those who follow him (within reason at least, as you pointed out). While you may not have been asking for acceptance, all the same you may know that at least one Heathen will not judge you for this path you have taken.
That means a lot to me, it really does.
Thank you.
[…] wasn’t that long ago, I openly came out and publicly admitted I am a Lokean. It was a label I had been actively avoiding since Loki grabbed me and caught me in […]