Dreamt a person successfully compelled me to do a thing for them. The thing is something I usually need to be told not to do, so it was surprising that the person went all out to formally bind me into doing the thing.
All was fun and games until I answered the summons and found exactly what they wanted from me. Just like there’s a certain level of help we’ll give a stranger, and a different level of help we’ll give a friend, so did this person demand from me an effort normally reserved for intimate relations because of the personal cost of doing the thing at that intensity.
Evil Genie Mode: Activated.
Continue reading Dream Journal: 2015-08-29.01
It was supposed to be a nice relaxing evening. A lazy one, where I could just close my eyes and float without getting entangled in any otherworld politics or having unexpected guests drop by. So when I felt the first tugs from a place I had not visited in a long while, I was intrigued, but ultimately uninterested. My mistake was confirming a connection to that place. The tugs became a snare, and I was ripped from my incorporeal comfort into a harsh and unwelcoming reality. Continue reading Dream Journal: 2015-08-25.01
Some quick notes on the Path of Ayin and some information that stands out to me about it. All bitching is being saved up for when walking the path itself. Continue reading Quick Notes on the Path of Ayin
You have to be your own person. It’s perfectly fine to use what you perceive of someone else’s personality as a template to compare your own strengths and weaknesses against, but you have to be you, not what you wished that other person was.
Things change, but nothing changes. But still there are changes.
Own what you say.
Own what you do.
Own your expectations.
It’s not a tug-of-war between orthopraxy and orthodoxy. It’s a question of how you walk out your faith and if that path is taking you where you want to go.
Yes, you are the Chosen One, but only in the context of your life. You are at best a minor supporting character in everyone else’s.
Your beliefs mean jacque shitte when I’m dealing with my gods. It is comforting to know mine are equally dismissed when you are dealing with yours. You are not the measure of my faith, and I am not yours.
It has been several weeks since I dedicated myself to exploring the sphere of Mercury on my admittedly stolen and shamelessly bastardized Tree of Life. I paid for my insolence by having several comforting lies taken from me and many uncomfortable truths revealed.
Chief among those falsehoods was the idea that all that happens in my life are not connected as a rule, and unfortunate happenstance at best. It appears that way because I had willfully blinded myself to the connections. That way, I also blind myself to the responsibility of doing something about it.
Instead, I am reminded that I am the same standing up as I am sitting down, and just because I use one set of tools while doing one thing, and another set of tools while doing another thing, I am still me. Continue reading Unseen. For now.
Dreamt I was in a homogenizing environment. Anyone that entered it would lose their sense of self and their free will. They would become drones of the environment and never leave. Continue reading Dream Journal: 2015-08-10.01
Wasn’t even mad, bro! It was fucking hilarious! Phalli going out of where the person had been bitten. (Eh, tw: body horror? Phallus dentata.) A giant ten-boner thing that rolled like a sea urchin and crushed cars in its wake. The creator of these creatures laughing that he is going to rule the world with the power of his dick.
Really? Fucking really? Continue reading Dream Journal: 2015-08-06.01
I was called a monster.
Yes. Yes, I am. But I am not what you should worry about. It is never the monstrum that destroys, but what is pushing it forward.
I am a monster.
And I am your last warning.
Me as I’m going through the shit: “I’m not going to write a single word of this. Nope. Ain’t a damn soul gonna know about this because there is no way to possibly convey all the nuances that is flooding my awareness without trivializing, compartmentalizing, or dismissing any of it and it’s all fucking important.”
Me, right now: “Fuck. Gotta write.” Continue reading Dream Journal: 2015-08-02.01
Me: “Thank you for [doing the thing]. Especially since I said you didn’t have to follow through after I couldn’t keep my end.”
Rummer John: “Nonsense. I promised you I would [do the thing], and that’s just what I did.” Continue reading Dream Journal: 2015-08-01.01