I had emptied the ultrasonic oil diffuser yesterday evening to allow it to dry out overnight. Now that I look in the chamber, I am reluctant to fill it. The spirit had made his disdain of the “complicated device” very apparent. Yesterday he politely took offense of the diffuser being present on the table and stated the soft sound of the gadget was overwhelming his uncapped bottle.
Today as I prepared for the morning’s Cyprian working that would precede the summoning, I left the gadget alone and pulled out the tealight oil warmer instead. The very plain one-piece ceramic warmer had an interior chamber to place the tealight candle and a simple bowl above it. No designs or patterns graced the exterior. The glaze was a mottled tan that resembled smoothed sand.
With no other changes made to the morning routine, I continued on with the Cyprian working. Segueing to the summoning of the spirit, I dripped three drops of cedarwood oil into the heated half-full bowl of the oil warmer. The air in the room was noticeably dryer compared to previous mornings and the scent was more subtle but also more pervasive than the effect of the ultrasonic oil diffuser. The cedarwood scent did not clash with the fading frankincense scent but layered harmoniously.
In preparing for the summoning of the spirit, I heard the echo of his voice expressing disdain for the use of the ultrasonic oil diffuser. If he had followed up his opinion with a command to get off his lawn, I would not have blinked an eye. Instead I noted a funky scent from the (barely month old) running diffuser and resolved to check the water chamber later.
My thoughts immediately went to the tealight-powered oil warmer I have but I’m not sure I want to potentially mix scents (frankincense followed by cedarwood) or have the stronger scents hanging around in the room for a longer time. I’ll have to think this one through and play tomorrow by ear.
Otherwise all proceeded according to plan until I started to speak “rede”. The hearing in my left ear ceased and a high pitched ringing overwhelmed my right ear. This sudden shift in hearing is something I actually had to deal with as a child and was told then that I just needed to take a daily multivitamin. I dealt with the shift the same way I did then. I ignored it and kept going.
As I prepared the table for summoning the spirit, I had the false memory of holding a small cedar box in my hands. Even though I had not uncapped the bottle yet, I could smell the wood. I noted the hint, filed it under “optional”, and went on with the summoning of the spirit.
After speaking the summoning phrase, the chamber appeared to darken and extend. The room was filled with a heavy presence that I could either ascribe to the day’s heat already at work or my subconscious trying to trick myself again.
I noted a heavy weight on my face. The scent of cedar intensified. Wary, I did not accept the scant clues I was given and demanded that any spirit present both identify themselves and prove their declared identity.
My day started before dawn and morning obligations went as expected. The little bottle of cedarwood oil smells brown (in a neutral way) until I hold the bottle close and take a deep scent of it. It takes time for all the fragrance notes to warm and be revealed when smelling it straight from the bottle. I have yet to actually place the oil on anything. I’m wary of the heavy scent.
I spoke the words that placed the summoning under the purview of the preceding Cyprian working then summoned [Patient Caller] with the final words of “Rede, rede, rede in pace”. I felt an impetus to close my eyes that I resisted with a sudden and fierce will.
I had felt the impetus, but I did not feel the spirit.
Last night I sat with the mala feeling like a complete newb all over again. But it was the best way for me to pace myself, keep myself focused, and measure my progression without the anxiety that comes with watching the clock. 108 mantras later, I sat confused because while I did not attempt to rush through the cycle, I felt like I had just sat down only five seconds prior.
In preparing for the morning’s activities I finally opened the bottle of cedarwood essential oil. When I took a deep smell of it, I was struck by three associations summoned by the scent: The interior of a cedar keepsake box, balsamic vinegar, and campfire smoke. The first I expected, the second supported the first once I let go of the culinary reference, but the third surprised me completely.
Oh well, you get what you pay for, right? It was still an improvement to the cedar component of the scented candle from before. I’ll just have to leave it to the spirit to make the final judgement on the matter. When it came time to summon the spirit, I followed his instruction from yesterday to the letter and merely uncapped the small bottle of essential oil and placed it in front of the device, but somewhat off to the side to not impede my line of sight.
During last year’s series of daily summonings of [Patient Caller], in lieu of burning incense, I had used a heavily scented candle with a airtight lid. There were folks in the house with COPD and other folks who would view my personal hobbies as a personal offense so this was my compromise at the time. The candle I had chosen because it evoked the atmosphere of old wood frame churches was scented to smell like cut mahogany and cedar woods. He accepted the choice and forbid me from ever burning the candle used in the rituals so that the scent would be a tell for me.
After seeing how well and how easy it was to use the ultrasonic oil diffuser, I did consider getting cedar essential oil for use with summoning [Patient Caller], but reconsidered when I looked at the cost for the oil along with the time sink of emptying the diffuser, rinsing it out to remove the scent of frankincense, and filling it with water and cedar essential oil. My tendency to overcomplicate matters would turn the current two minute preparation into a twenty minute race.
I switched out the Hierophant tarot card from Tavaglione’s Stairs of Gold to the Universal Tarot of Marseille. The two tonsures look like two fuzzy eyeballs staring back at me. The card, which gave me no previous idiosyncratic meanings before, now appeared to be judging me as if to measure if I was worthy of approaching the central seated figure.
A thing you should know, dear Reader, is that I am not doing well. The optimism that the June 2018 DoMagick challenge ended with was brutally and systemically annihilated by a rapid series of betrayals, revelations, and exposures in the intervening month. Physically, I am intact. Emotionally, I am hollow and collapsing.
Completing this challenge and posting the logs of it is not for imaginary internet points. It is an act of faith for those who still have hope and the fulfillment of promises made when I still believed in now shattered lies and falsehoods. I barely survived last month. If I’m going to survive this one, I’m going to need help.
I went to bed early and intentionally stayed in bed to go back to sleep after dawn introduced me to a new day. I didn’t want to give the spirit any further advantage over me. Once I did pull myself out of bed, the morning went as it should and soon came the time to summon [Patient Caller] once again. Continue reading “Do Magick August ’18: Day 4 – Signor”
If you noticed the timestamp on the previous day’s post, you’ll see it was posted quite late. Work was a bear to wrestle, and while I was able to get the wording of the post done early in the day and saved to my drafts, I didn’t get to finish the post until I was home. So I’ll let you guess how much sleep I got as a result.
I don’t remember turning off the first alarm. I do remember picking up the phone when the second alarm went off and holding it to verify that it really was too damn early in the morning for this shit. When I looked at the phone just before the third and more irritating alarm went off, I found I had never put the phone down after the second alarm and had fallen into a deep sleep holding it.
He said to be prepared to spend more time with my “lessons”. So I set the alarm clock to “Too Early” again and this time snoozed through two sets of alarms. My morning obligations took longer than I expected and the clock found me with just as little time for summoning Patient Caller as I did yesterday.
The two devices remained on the table. While both have chambers, one was permanently filled while the other remained empty and available for use as needed. The polished amber token would fit easily within the empty chamber without risking scratching up the hand polished face of it. Reasoning that [Patient Caller] would not have called out the devices if he didn’t want me to use it, I placed the amber piece in the chamber and closed it.
The chamber is metal with a glass face. Once closed and placed between the lit candles, the chamber’s interior appeared to be an absence of light. I congratulated myself for an overdramatic and unnecessary interpretation of the contrast between the candlelight playing on the polished exterior of the device and the spooky lump of darkness barely visible beyond the glass. I placed the same Hierophant card that I used yesterday before the device.
Hi, I’m Keri, and against all notions of propriety, manners, grace, and self-preservation, I will be participating in another thirty days of the Do Magick challenge. What. The. Hell. (right?)
To spare you the long version if this post is your first catch up with me since the June Do Magick challenge, lemme summarize the month of July: Everything sucks and I want to die.
However, since I have had it literally pounded into my head that I am not allowed to just go whenever I feel like it, I might as well keep up with obligations and promises. Like jumping into this month’s challenge including the daily log.
“Summon a spirit or a set of spirits for 30 days to transform an aspect of your life.”