Taking Coordinates

“I don’t know how to start writing about this, Oba, Iyoba. I have been silent for so long, do I even know how to make words flow again. Would that I had your determination to follow through, Oba. Would that I had your resolve to make things happen, Iyoba. I guess I have to start somewhere, so I guess I’ll just start.”

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Dream Journal: 2019-05-12.01

“Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?” The question pulled my attention to the attendant placing themselves in my field of view. I should be concerned that the attendant wore a white featureless mask over their face. I should be more concerned when I realized that wasn’t a mask at all, but that their bone ceramic face had no features. I would have been at least, if I was awake.

Instead, I was thankful for their intrusion as I gained lucidity. I don’t know where my thoughts were headed before they discreetly touched my hand, but now my thoughts were reunited with my awareness and I felt safe and comfortable.

“Ah, no, thank you.” Their hooded robe gleamed brilliantly in crimson red as I took their hand. The more attention I gave the attendant, the more the attendant stood out from the shadows. I clasped their hand in gratitude for the assistance even though I knew the attendant had not done anything special or unique from their duties. “But you can catch me up to what’s happening now. I think I missed an instruction.”

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This Is Not An Update

I’m not supposed to be blogging. I’m supposed to be finishing up a thing that according to the clock will only take me a few hours at most if I be meticulous about it but has taken me literally one week to acknowledge and one more week to determine what exactly has to be done.

I have a lot of words for you, dear Reader, but I am at a loss of how to present them and which ones to give to you. I’m not exactly oathbound to remain silent, but at the same time, things have changed so that what I do speak of does not affect only myself if you were to take my words in bad faith.

So a quick recap of where I am and what I’m doing, then. A list of generalities as a formality.

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No Favour To Return

This is probably not helpful, because I’m much younger than you and not part of any community to speak of but: I have been quietly following you since I made a tumblr to follow people with because I was in a cult in my teens and something no one ever talks about is the ANGER and the HURT and the way that it just KEEPS GOING even as I keep going– the way that it so overtly breaks you and so subtly continues to break even years later– but you. You talk about it. And that– that is a light for me. Not because of ‘it gets better’ or anything hopefully trite like that, but because it /doesn’t/, you just live with it better and worse and your writing sets it out so plain– trauma is trauma, and even in the older pagan/polytheist circles I’ve found, no one likes to just face up to the scars. You do, though, and write it so well– I don’t know. It helps, and I can’t say that I can return the favour at all– but it helps. So. Thank you. I am sorry you hurt so much.

That was a message sent to my Tumblr blog quite some time ago. I never answered it publicly there because I didn’t want to expose the sender to undue harassment.

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Do Magick December ’18: Talismans Masterpost

The work completed in August paid off and I’m still here. As the year ended with more pots to cook than I have stove burners available some obligations would have to be fulfilled as sparingly as possible. I had wanted to get back into the DoMagick game, but didn’t want to stir up more trouble.

The December 2018 challenge is about as straightforward as it gets: Talismans.

I decided to buck my normal tendency to overcomplicate matters and make the most basic type of modern talisman using two things found in any grocery store: Paper and glue. What follows is the masterpost of entries for the December 2018 DoMagick Challenge.

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Do Magick December ’18: Day 30 + 1 – Task Completed

Technically, yesterday was the 30th day of my DoMagick Challenge regarding talismans. But yesterday ended on a strange pivot that effectively removed a third of the day from public review, so I took advantage of the New Year’s Day holiday to take some deliberate actions with some deliberate observations that I could report on.

I went to work.

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Do Magick December ’18: Day 29 – Home Work

I tried to be lazy! I really, really did! *whining intensifies* But I was up at sunrise anyway. It’s (not at all) funny how the time-management seal has exposed many more interconnected problems and deficiencies I have regarding something so simple and buzzwordy as “time management”.

Well, that’s why it’s called “Work”, right?

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Do Magick December ’18: Day 26 – Disappointment

According to my much revised schedule, I should have had at least four sigils entered into the mini-book and much more dramatic effects to report by now. Instead I have three sigils entered, and I find myself consciously bucking the most active of them.

I’m still marking the effort as a success even though there are four more days left to observe and record.

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