Dream Journal: 2017-12-03

While I was chilling at home with absolutely no fucks to be had or given, an acquaintance calls me. He’s participating in an on-site group ritual and their contracted seer called them with a last second extortion attempt raise in price that was above and beyond what the group was willing to pay. If I were to be paid the original amount (a sum that caught my attention for sure), would I be willing to drop everything and come over to be the seer for the night?

“Before I let my greed completely blind me… that’s a lot of goddamn money for a one-night show that’s not even guaranteed. What are you not telling me?” Continue reading “Dream Journal: 2017-12-03”

I Have A Feeling

I am less afraid of the signet ring I will have to obtain next year. Things are going as they go, but my god, how fast they are going!

Since my last update, I have had an angel get the drop on me to remind me that I am not forgotten and I am not forsaken.

I know this. It feels otherwise, but feelings are liars at times. Ask anyone in love. Continue reading “I Have A Feeling”

Do Magick: Postscript

It has been a complete week since my last “by the book” summoning of [Patient Caller]. And as I expected, my table has since been flipped. While what happened during the bounds of ritual time were completely unexpected and personally shocking, the implications of what [Patient Caller] said along with the steps I had to take to secure the time and privacy for ritual shone a spotlight on something I had accepted for far too long. Continue reading “Do Magick: Postscript”

Do Magick: Day 30 – Epilogue

What I’m confident I have learned in the past thirty days:

  • [Patient Caller] is not “a formal” grimoire spirit, but the format was necessary for me to get my head in the right space to deal with him.
  • It’s going to take a lot more than what I currently have to do any kind of serious grimoire or Solomonic work for any kind of result.
  • Fuck ups have little to no upfront cost. But that first payment is going to bite you in the ass for sure.
  • I can face my fears and no one can face them but me.

Despite being told plainly that the cord I had placed for him was useless, I laid it out anyway. It only took twenty-nine days to make it a habit. When he appeared, it was with slow deliberation. Scent being the only marker with both eyes open and eyes closed, then the false flame and smoke. The false smoke bending to coil around a suddenly appearing right little finger before flowing to smother and soak into the small amber piece. Nothing was said for a time. Continue reading “Do Magick: Day 30 – Epilogue”

Do Magick: Day 29 – Inventory

I sat still in the circle, after consecrations and prayers but before the actual invocation itself. I thought about the fears I have challenged during the prior twenty eight invocations and the way my life, spiritual and physical, has paused for this endeavor. The clock announced each second I spent in vain contemplation.

With my eyes open, the only change in my environment that announced the spirit’s arrival was the sudden intensity in scent from the unlit candle. With my eyes closed, I saw him seated as is his habit.

“We have now, and one more morning to annoy the hell out of each other. Is there any instruction you wish to give to me while there is the change to receive and act upon it?”

«Yes. Regarding your tools. Some you will be able to repurpose should you wish to continue formally with this art. Some you are only able to use for summoning myself, and perhaps later, [Mud] independently. Some are completely useless, and the only reason why I did not say anything previously is because you had not made up your own mind yet about your goals. And some may have other uses after this obligations ends.» Continue reading “Do Magick: Day 29 – Inventory”

Do Magick: Day 28 – Silence

No dreams. No portents. No wild messages from a direction I did not expect. Just me. And the gear. And the crippling doubt that this is all refined bullshit and I’m fooling myself by this grown-up version of the game “Let’s Pretend” because reality is a little hard to deal with right now.

I know this for what it is, but knowing doesn’t help me in the least.

Depression sucks.

I know I can’t magic my way out of this. But I can magic my way through. If I believed in magic. When it hits, my world becomes grayscale. I can see colors just fine, but they don’t register. Everything is flat. Music is intolerable noise. And standing in the middle of an almost dark room to speak prayers to a god I don’t understand to compel a spirit I probably made up to console myself with isn’t really making me feel any better about myself. Continue reading “Do Magick: Day 28 – Silence”

Do Magick: Day 27 – Puer

Last night I dreamt I was part of a stream of people riding horses and mules across difficult terrain towards the hope of a promised land. We were all strangers to each other, but because we were all chasing a common ideal, we banded together for comfort and safety.

Our path led us to a washed out bridge. What was supposed to be a gently dying creek under the low bridge had become a raging torrent that remade its banks and tore apart neighboring land to claim as its new floodplains. All of our maps, regardless if stolen, dream-inspired, dictated, marked from memory, or copied from ancient tomes, showed this bridge and this creek. None of our maps showed a way around this obstacle. Continue reading “Do Magick: Day 27 – Puer”