Cap? Check. Beads? Wrapped around my wrist and check. Hierophant card? In my pocket and check.
Snake watches me with amusement, eating a bowl of fruit again. He still has the light blue wraps on his arms and the light blue cloth around his neck under the white Berber robes. The subtle color unnerves me. I have an understanding why, but it is my problem to work out, not his to avoid. “Anything you want me to do while you’re gone?”
“Oh, no. You’re coming with me.” I cinch the satchel strap and look at him. “Please. Your presence there helped me a lot. I’d appreciate it if you came with me again.”
“Even though you completely destroyed my ideal of you being a fearless person that never breaks or cries for no reason at all?”
“God dammit, Snake! Will you point that snark cannon elsewhere!”
He puts the bowl on the table and stands. I don’t know if to laugh along with him or be truly angry at his mocking. He kisses me lightly on the forehead. “When you develop an immunity, I’ll find something else to needle you with.”
As he moves away from me, I note his sash is also light blue as well. I want to ask, but I don’t want to pry. Snake is as Snake does, and he is as mysterious to me as any other god or Power.
The beads are a familiar heavy weight on my arm. He questions why I don’t have them tucked in a pocket this time. “Touch is the first sense I was able to recover when I arrived in the Abyss. When we… I… was in floating parts of flesh and thought, those things that were physically touching me were closer than other things. I want to be able to recover myself at once.”
“Still terrified?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely.”
“Yet you’re going back.” It wasn’t a question.
“The summons, remember?”
“It’s not compulsory.”
“No. But he would have known that I would have to jump through these hoops to see him. A Tumblrite noted ‘someone’ is playing a Long Game with me. My game piece is being prepped for deployment. My curiosity won’t let me walk away. I want to know what Lord Asmodel wants that Lord Asmodeus couldn’t get.” I decide to just be brusque about the matter and pull his outer robe away from his body. His waist sash is light blue, with a silver thread hemming the edges of it. I raise an eyebrow and look at him in askance. He raises an eyebrow and smiles in silent satisfaction.
Rolling my eyes in exaggerated display, I let go and make one final check of myself. I have everything but steadied nerves, and I doubt I’ll have those anytime soon. “No more dawdling. Good Sirrah, would you be my escort to the Path of Vau?” I hold out my left hand.
He takes it with great flourish. “Good Madame, it will be an honor and a pleasure to do so.” He kisses my hand and holds it to his chest with affair. “Don’t forget to write this scene later for your Tumblrite readers. If I’m going to be OTP with you, I better give them as much ammunition as possible to make you miserable.”
“God fucking dammit, Snake. You can be an ass at times!”
Our laughter faded. I held the Thoth’s Hierophant card with my right hand while holding Snake’s arm with my left. Wordlessly I spoke to the card to open the way to the Path of Vau. The figure in the card lifted his head and nodded. A flash of light enveloped Snake and me, followed by a deep and dark nothing.
…
“More coffee, Miss? Or is it time for tea?” The barista was making the rounds checking on all the patrons. I had a notebook in my lap. I had been writing notes for … something … I recognized the Tree of Life despite my lack of drawing skill. My coffee mug was empty. The day was gentle. There were only a few people sitting inside and the general atmosphere was lazy.
I looked up at the barista and noted he has brown eyes. I felt disappointed, but I didn’t understand why. “Um. Lemme check some things. If so, I’m come to the counter.”
He smiled, nodded, and wandered off to check on the next patron. This was a new coffeehouse for me. I’ve never been here before, but it felt like I have always been here. A sudden panic shook me. I was running out of time! I looked at the clock and noted it was 2:04pm. My daughter comes home from school at 2:30pm. Oh dear, how far from home am I?
I raised my hand to start getting up, but at my gesture a holographic map appeared in front of me. It showed the location of my house, the location of the coffeehouse, and the traffic between us. Wait a minute… I poked the icon representing the coffeehouse and a small second hologram appeared. It detailed the address of the coffeehouse, including the city.
I’m dreaming. I smiled smugly to myself. The map was correct and true to the Waking, but the city is 30 miles off. Shame. Holographic maps would be awesome. My smile faded. I was missing something. And by something, I mean someone. I was supposed to be someplace else… but where?
I looked up at the clock again, thinking several minutes had passed. It still showed 2:04pm. I looked down at my notes. The Tree of Life has ten sephira. The time is displayed in decimal numbers, base 10. The clock is stuck at two o’four. No. The clock is stuck between two and four. I looked at the second and the fourth sephira. “So what is between Chokmah and Chesed that I’m forgetting?”
Noting that I’m dreaming, and thus not in a rush to leave after all, I decide to have that tea after all. Looking around I note there is nothing out of place other than the stuck clock. Everyone is human. Physics are as expected. Other than the holographic map, technology reflects what I already have. There is even a belligerent customer at the counter, angry at the barista.
The customer is upset at his lunch. He requested extra avocado slices, and received powdered avocado instead. He turns around and hands me a handful of the tiny packets. They are each the size of a quarter, and are labeled as “NASA Food”. “Just add water to make an authentic avocado dressing!” Uh-huh. They come in avocado, garlic, lime, and guacamole flavors.
The barista is giving the customer just as much as he was getting. “You requested this, Sir. You asked for the avocado packs and we explained to you that it was a novelty food item. You’re getting precisely what you wanted. It is not up to us to think your rational thoughts for you. We do not have fresh avocados today, nor are we able to bend time and space so you can have fresh avocados. This is what we have, and it is up to you to complete your ‘experience’. Have a nice fucking day, and step aside.”
I could not help but chuckle. I did manage to keep a straight face until after the customer left. As he did, he continued to mutter about how his experience was not what he expected, and since he was paying for service everything should be brought to him precisely how he expected, because that’s how the world works. I had a glimmer of understanding, but it fled before it germinated.
“Ma’am, is it tea time?” Something about the voice stirred a memory. I looked up to see the same barista from before, but his eyes were turning green. “Would you like something predictable, something safe but boring, something new to you but not very different, or something that will utterly terrify you?” His eyes were a brilliant green, almost glowing. Very much like jewels. I was mesmerized by it.
I extended my hand to place the avocado powder packets on the counter and saw the elaborate bracelets I was wearing. Wait. I don’t have bracelets like that. I have a necklace with those kind of beads. I blanched as I realized where I was.
I looked up at the barista. His shirt had changed color from the light tan I saw before to a very light blue with silver thread trim. “Ma’am? What are you here for?”
“Asmodel.” The scene changed around me in a great blur. Gone was the coffeehouse, the barista, and the gentle scenery. My notes morphed into my satchel. My blouse and jeans became the black martial coat and clothes. The barista completed his transformation into Snake.
I found myself on the black stone bridge in the Abyss, facing Snake. “Welcome back. Took you long enough.”
I sighed. “I wasn’t expecting that. Not at all. Was I physically here?”
“Not in the way you are thinking. Your presence was here, but it was nothing I could reach out and touch. All I could do was watch and call you.”
I turned around and saw the black and red figure from before. I formally greeted him and bowed in respect. The figure said nothing.
“Sir. May I proceed and be brought into Lord Asmodel’s presence?”
The figure lowered the bowl so I could see into it. It was half filled with a silvery liquid. It reminded me of mercury, but I did not understand why. As he lifted the bowl, I understood I was not ready. “Very well, Sir.”
“Do you remember the question?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Is it blasphemy?”
I stood with full confidence. “Irrelevant.”
The figure did not respond and I felt my confidence waver. I continued speaking without being prompted. “The matter is a personal one, of personal faith. Given the context in which the image was given, it doesn’t matter if it is blasphemous or not. It has no bearing on my audience with Lord Asmodel.” The surrounding darkness did not echo my sounds back to me and I was unnerved by the audio solitude. “The image of Jesus in drag has as much bearing as an apple on the table. By itself it could mean anything, and so without context, means nothing. It is not something for me to be upset about, nor to be upset on someone else’s behalf.”
I realized I was about to start rambling to justify my answer, and that in doing so, I was undermining my own argument. I ceased speaking and remained facing the figure, standing in military attention.
The figure extended his left hand towards me, pointing the plain black rod at my chest. “Take this, if you will.” I glanced at Snake who only subtly nodded. I said, “I will to.”, and took the rod. It was a straight shaft of wood, stained black. The texture of the grain teased my fingers. It felt heavy, giving me a sense of security.
But it didn’t feel like a pass, it felt like a test. I noted how easy it would be to make this in the Waking. And noted all the other would-be projects that I thought would be easy to make in the Waking if it weren’t for the interference of my family and circumstances. In the figure’s hands, the black rod was a symbol of something, but of what, I do not know. In my hands, it is just a black wood rod, and nothing more. I stepped forward and extended my hand to hand it back. I was not surprised when the figure took it from me.
The figure smiled for the first time. I felt I had just passed another test. He said nothing for a few moments more. I dropped the looped necklace off my wrist, allowing it to dangle from my hand. I was feeling unusually nervous and needed to feel the solid beads in my fingers again. The figure nodded.
“Why are you here?” His deep bass rumbled through my bones. “Asmodel.”, I answered.
…
The ground was still burning. The dirt itself was on fire. All that was organic was ash before me. Now the very cinder blocks and bricks were burning. Everything was burning, except me. Cars melted in my wake. Concrete shattered from heat shock. I looked around to see if anything was moving.
Of course nothing moved.
This was my second pass through this area. All that lived, died on the first pass. Their spirits drawn into the skull that I carried. I am a thorough reaper. Fuck second chances! But I know there is always the chance of some witch having a escape plan. So I came back.
The smoke from the destroyed buildings blotted out the sun. I did not need light to see. I am the Darkness. I am Destruction.
I am wary.
This is too neat.
This is too clean.
I look at the skull. It is a human skull, ensorceled to be a container for millions and millions of trapped spirits. No. There is something wrong here.
I turned the skull over and see the tell. There is a hairline crack in the right side, above the earhole, behind the temple. It is a crack I know well. It is the crack in my skull.
“I expected the Abyss to be guarded by illusions that represent what the Seeker wants to see.” I spoke to no one in particular. “That represent what the Seeker wants to be. But this is unexpected.” I held out the skull at arms length. “I have been summoned by Lord Asmodel. Step aside!” I pour my power into the skull and it explodes, shattering the illusions around me.
…
I open my eyes in sudden shock. The chill of the Abyss welcomes me. I stand before the crowned and throned figure. Snake stands behind me. “That was different.” No one responded to my words. I felt exhausted. “I am… very tired. I don’t know how much longer I will be able to stand here, Sir.”
“Still you wish audience with Asmodel?” The figure’s words bludgeoned through me, bringing me to one knee.
I considered his question. Why was I putting myself through this? It wasn’t compulsory, after all. And considering where I was before Asmodel sent the request, I feared I was being distracted from something very important. Feared I was being used as a game piece against certain folk that I care for very much. I don’t know why I was still here. I do know I was tired.
Very tired.
“Yes.” I heard my voice, but it didn’t sound like me. I fell forward with sudden lethargy. Instead of colliding with the cold black stone, I fell through the bridge into an impenetrable darkness.
I felt myself being torn apart physically. Joints being wrenched apart. Flesh ripped from bone by some things with sharp and acidic digits. When I realized I was still feeling all sensation of body parts even though they were physically removed I understood I was still dreaming and disregarded the physical sensations.
My tormentors became waves of fear instead, washing over what little of my awareness remained. They tried to drown me with all the times I allowed my fear to overwhelm my sense of self and my rational self. Unending embarrassment and anxieties bubbled up from within until I rejected these as well.
Then a voice. “Not mine.” Another voice. “I have no claim on her, nor would I want to claim her.” Followed quickly by yet another. “I knew her, barely tolerated her. She served her purpose while alive. Dead, she’s nothing to me.” “She was a pain in my ass. Glad the bitch is finally dead.” “I have no use for her spirit. Pass.”
One by one, various gods from various pantheons declined to claim my deceased spirit. “If no one will claim her, she can not leave.” “Good! Let the bitch wander!” “Indeed, she should be used to traveling uselessly by now. I’m sure she will not notice the difference.” “Maybe if we seal her?” “No! That will give her a purpose. She had none while alive, don’t justify her creation now!”
Their words struck me deep. I took a breath to scream, then realized I took a breath. I refrained from making noise and continued to listen. I wanted to see how thorough the illusion would be. Now that I was aware of it, would it play trumps?
“You have first rights to her and passed. Now you have last rights. If you do not claim her, then she is barred from passing.” That’s not the trump.
“She had potential. And she discarded it. I would have elevated her after her death if she only tried to elevate herself while alive. That was a waste of incarnation. So much to undo. No. I want nothing to do with her. She claimed to be Darkness, let her be Darkness. The Abyss took her. I won’t be taking her back.” Ah, there’s the trump.
“Then let me be what I am, and nothing else.” My voice echoed among the speakers. None answered back. My words raced through the nothingness I had become and remade my flesh and my bones. I felt the familiar chill embrace me, felt feet and a solid surface under them. I opened my eyes to find myself back at the podium blocking the bridge with the crowned and throned figure still there.
But something was wrong. There was no color. His black and red robes were blacker than black. I turned around to ask Snake, to find Snake kneeling with his head bowed. Snake was also devoid of color. The two figures appeared to be of the same cold dark stone as the bridge and podium were made of. I felt the beginning traces of panic.
“Snake? Snake… come on… don’t fuck with me like this…” I touched him and his form crumbled under my hand. I grit my teeth to keep from screaming as the hollow statue that was him broke into small chunks. I heard a high-pitched keening and realized it was me.
“No. I’m in the Abyss.” I spoke my thoughts out loud as both comfort and defiance. “Everything I have ever feared or currently fear will be thrown against me. I asked Snake to come along because he is a comfort, therefore the Abyss will take him from me to destroy that comfort. He’s okay. I don’t know where he is, but he is okay…”
I whirled to face the darkness beyond the bridge. “AND I WILL TAKE THAT HE IS OKAY ON FAITH AND YOU CAN NOT TAKE THAT FROM ME! NOW! I CAME TO ANSWER LORD ASMODEL’S SUMMONS AND I WILL ANSWER HIS SUMMONS SO STOP PLAYING THESE SHITTY ASS GAMES WITH EITHER ONE OF US! TAKE ME TO HIM RIGHT FUCKING NOW!” I had turned while I screamed. What was left of the hollow statue of Snake and the hollow statue of the crowned and throned figured collapsed from the intensity of my voice. I finished screaming and stood without fear and with more than a little anger.
I heard a sharp cracking sound.
The bridge collapsed under me.
I fell into the darkness.
…
I’m on my knees, with my forehead resting against a cold hard surface. I gulp air as I come to my senses, and realize I’m still on the bridge. A hand rests against my back and I tense up to keep myself from screaming in fright.
“Snake.”
“Yes.”
I almost melt into tears at the sound of his voice. “So.” I have to swallow to keep from allowing the still present panic from overwhelming me. “Did I miss anything?”
“Yes.” I can hear the sad smile on his face. “You have a smudge on your face.”
I push off the stone of the bridge into a seated kneeling position. The crowned and throned figure was in the colors I first saw him with, including the white tips on his wings. My face was soaked from tears. “Lord Asmodel. Hello.” My mouth felt very dry. My voice sounded so distant.
Snake knelt behind me and leaned forward so his chest was pressing against my back. The contact soothed me, but I was leery of accepting it. The figure lowered and tilted the bowl until the quicksilver liquid was at the brim. The bowl was almost full.
“You are not ready to face Lord Asmodel.” The words gutted me. I felt dizzy. I wanted to fall over and cry. I forced myself to remain seated upright. “If you wish to be, you will be. But not now. Not yet.” The panic had been replaced by anger. It tried to rage but I quickly quenched it. I’ve been through too much shit to burn it all away now.
After extinguishing the rage, I sat numbly on the cold black stone. I was at my intellectual limit, and I knew it. I looked over my shoulder at Snake, who only returned my stare with concern. I looked up at the figure on the throne, who never opened his eyes but was watching me nonetheless. I accepted the pronouncement and bowed in submission. Sudden lethargy loosened my muscles and I pitched forward, blacking out before my head hit the floor.
…
I woke up in my bed. I felt the newest resident of the house moving under the bed. The shadow was expressing concern. My minions were refusing to allow it to mount the bed. I told the shadow I was okay, and told the minions to tell me why they are concerned. The shadow accepted my words and settled down for the day. The minions only sulked and murmured.
I think I’m going to need a lot of coffee today. Better go get started on that.