Yesterday evening, I managed to complete an elective action that I had been attempting to do for a good part of the month. I could not get myself in the right headspace for it because of my sorrows and had all but given up. The spirit involved in that elective signaled that it wanted to continue despite myself.
That was an interesting lesson, for sure.
Today after the morning obligation and the ritual summoning, [Patient Caller] remarked on the action and the circumstances that led to its delay along with the joy I experienced in finally completing the deceptively simple action.
«There will always be those who will deny you a title for what you do because you are not their ideal. Remember what you did last night. Even if those who wish to limit you take away all the words that describe what you did, they cannot take away the fact that you did it. You are as you are, regardless of by what names or titles you are called, or not.»
«Even if you were to never speak of it to any entity, sentient or not, corporeal or not, the fact that it happened remains marked in the fabric of the universe. There will always be those who will deny that you exist. You do not need their approval to continue.»
You’d think after all this time and pain and let down I would have gotten over the need to be recognized or the need to be validated. (Spoiler: I haven’t.) (Double spoiler: If you have gifted children, please don’t raise them ‘gifted’. Let them make the same mistakes as other children. Don’t expect them to be perfect because the numerical result on an outdated test that is being used out of bounds gives you the idea that they are anything other than what they are: Children.)
His observations were uncomfortable so I did what comes naturally: Deflect
“You said that we will end at the beginning, and at first I thought that was a reference to September 1st of last year being the first day that I formally summoned you. (Though you scene bombed a dream or two prior to that.) But there are thirty-one days in the month of August, and the challenge is only for thirty days, so there will be a gap between the last day of this commitment and the anniversary of the first day of the first commitment. What gives with your repetition of ‘ending at the beginning’? What is so special about August 31st?”
I could feel him smiling at me even though the hood continued to obscure his face in the false vision. As he clasped his hands on the spectral table, he said nothing, but a word settled on my tongue and held my mouth closed.
The word “epagomenal” turned in my mouth as I struggled to remember if the term only applied to the Kemetic religious calendar or if there were other applications. Either way, the idea that August 31st was personally important lay at the bottom of those thoughts, but I have no memory or understanding of why.
He did not allow me the luxury of untying my tongue and asking following questions.
«Why did you summon me?»
I felt like he was asking why I ever turned to magic in the first place. The answer is the same then and now. “To survive.”
«Continue your prayers and meditations, even after this commitment ends. Your world will continue even if you never summon me again.»
“I’ve noticed the prayers I have settled on are solar focused.”
«The prayers you have settled on may mention the Sun, but they are soul focused and only use the Sun as the light that guides them, and you. Contrary to what your sciences have declared, your soul is the center of your universe. The Sun is merely a traveler within it. (Though if all you see is physical, of course you will be blind to what is not physical.) Whenever you are lost or afraid you are losing yourself, reorient yourself by the Sun. No matter where it is, it is there. No matter where you are, you are here.»
I understood why the wording of the prayers didn’t matter. Only that I had faith in them. And when words failed me, that I had faith in the Sun. One day the Sun will not be there, but by that time, neither will I nor anything else I care about. So as long as the Sun is there, come hell and high water, so am I.
«Continue your work with my master, Cyprian. You will learn the symbols that will be unique to your ring as you continue with him and receive further instruction on surviving beyond what I am able to teach you.»
«Now release me. I have no further words for you today.»
He lowered his head as if in prayer. I quietly spoke the license to depart and ended the ritual.
feeling the Sun as if I were outside in a field: 10 minutes.