I am less afraid of the signet ring I will have to obtain next year. Things are going as they go, but my god, how fast they are going!
Since my last update, I have had an angel get the drop on me to remind me that I am not forgotten and I am not forsaken.
I know this. It feels otherwise, but feelings are liars at times. Ask anyone in love. Continue reading “I Have A Feeling”
It has been a complete week since my last “by the book” summoning of [Patient Caller]. And as I expected, my table has since been flipped. While what happened during the bounds of ritual time were completely unexpected and personally shocking, the implications of what [Patient Caller] said along with the steps I had to take to secure the time and privacy for ritual shone a spotlight on something I had accepted for far too long. Continue reading “Do Magick: Postscript”
What I’m confident I have learned in the past thirty days:
- [Patient Caller] is not “a formal” grimoire spirit, but the format was necessary for me to get my head in the right space to deal with him.
- It’s going to take a lot more than what I currently have to do any kind of serious grimoire or Solomonic work for any kind of result.
- Fuck ups have little to no upfront cost. But that first payment is going to bite you in the ass for sure.
- I can face my fears and no one can face them but me.
Despite being told plainly that the cord I had placed for him was useless, I laid it out anyway. It only took twenty-nine days to make it a habit. When he appeared, it was with slow deliberation. Scent being the only marker with both eyes open and eyes closed, then the false flame and smoke. The false smoke bending to coil around a suddenly appearing right little finger before flowing to smother and soak into the small amber piece. Nothing was said for a time. Continue reading “Do Magick: Day 30 – Epilogue”
I sat still in the circle, after consecrations and prayers but before the actual invocation itself. I thought about the fears I have challenged during the prior twenty eight invocations and the way my life, spiritual and physical, has paused for this endeavor. The clock announced each second I spent in vain contemplation.
With my eyes open, the only change in my environment that announced the spirit’s arrival was the sudden intensity in scent from the unlit candle. With my eyes closed, I saw him seated as is his habit.
“We have now, and one more morning to annoy the hell out of each other. Is there any instruction you wish to give to me while there is the chance to receive and act upon it?”
«Yes. Regarding your tools. Some you will be able to repurpose should you wish to continue formally with this art. Some you are only able to use for summoning myself, and perhaps later, [Mud] independently. Some are completely useless, and the only reason why I did not say anything previously is because you had not made up your own mind yet about your goals. And some may have other uses after this obligations ends.» Continue reading “Do Magick: Day 29 – Inventory”
No dreams. No portents. No wild messages from a direction I did not expect. Just me. And the gear. And the crippling doubt that this is all refined bullshit and I’m fooling myself by this grown-up version of the game “Let’s Pretend” because reality is a little hard to deal with right now.
I know this for what it is, but knowing doesn’t help me in the least.
I know I can’t magic my way out of this. But I can magic my way through. If I believed in magic. When it hits, my world becomes grayscale. I can see colors just fine, but they don’t register. Everything is flat. Music is intolerable noise. And standing in the middle of an almost dark room to speak prayers to a god I don’t understand to compel a spirit I probably made up to console myself with isn’t really making me feel any better about myself. Continue reading “Do Magick: Day 28 – Silence”
Last night I dreamt I was part of a stream of people riding horses and mules across difficult terrain towards the hope of a promised land. We were all strangers to each other, but because we were all chasing a common ideal, we banded together for comfort and safety.
Our path led us to a washed out bridge. What was supposed to be a gently dying creek under the low bridge had become a raging torrent that remade its banks and tore apart neighboring land to claim as its new floodplains. All of our maps, regardless if stolen, dream-inspired, dictated, marked from memory, or copied from ancient tomes, showed this bridge and this creek. None of our maps showed a way around this obstacle. Continue reading “Do Magick: Day 27 – Puer”
It was hard to get out of bed again. I still don’t have any goals for these last days of ritual, and to be honest, I was finding it very hard to adult today after a very long and painful evening.
Something something perseverance something. Continue reading “Do Magick: Day 26 – Ring”
Waking up was easy. Getting out of bed was hard. What did I have to get up for? My focus is starting to shift from the daily invocations to the shenanigans that will start next week. What could I learn from the spirit in the six remaining days that I could put to immediate use?
To persevere, that’s what.
The invocation went as it did, smoothly and without interruption. I watched the revealing of [Patient Caller] into my mind’s eye as if savoring a rare delicacy. He settled into his usual place on the other side of the small table. I settled into strange silence on mine.
I had nothing to say. So this time, he asked the questions, and I answered. Continue reading “Do Magick: Day 25 – Pause”
Yesterday afternoon, I sat down in my favorite “safe space” [a Starbucks near a big local college] with the physical Book of Oberon, my notes, and browser tabs set to a dozen “interesting” websites and got busy putting together what words I would use to entangle [Patient Caller] to the Hierophant card including words that I could use to summon him via the Hierophant card outside of full ritual.
I am very aware that this method, as is, will not work with any other grimoire spirit. That it would fail silently at best, and backfire with permanent negative life-changing effects as a norm. I have had very little feedback regarding my encounters with [Patient Caller], and those words have been clustered at polarized extremes. Half of the feedback has been encouragement to continue by those who have read through my nearly ten years of dream posts and literally watched me go through shit, recover from shit, and continue to challenge my shit. The other half has been accusations of making this up (because I write too clearly, recall conversations too well, and/or can’t possibly have these kind of results for my first solo endeavor), exaggerating my experiences, and generally suckering the “ignorant masses” while my detractor(s) sit in experienced judgement.
To both camps, I reply the same: I’m going as I go. Continue reading “Do Magick: Day 24 – Entanglement”
My post-ritual meditation session was again hijacked yesterday morning. While the scene I unwittingly participated in was brief, I am still uncomfortable discussing it in public. The relevance of what happened depends heavily on having a personal and spiritual understanding of the Eucharist, which I do not have. I can very easily run away with my limited understanding and make assumptions based on what makes me feel better, but I can also declare myself an experienced Solomonic Magician and find some obscure corner of the Internet who would believe it, lock, stock, and barrel. Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.
The incident was heavy on my mind this morning as I began the ritual. I distracted myself by realizing that I was increasingly discontent with the presence of the rutile shard. It was not required for [Patient Caller’s] presence now that the amber had been polished. I noted the thinness of the braided cord, and realized I still have not written down the adjusted ritual steps that I have memorized. I spoke the words both with mouth and mind, and soon came to the moment of summoning.
“[Patient Caller], appear to me.”
One moment I was sitting alone in the pre-dawn chill in my room. Next moment he was present across the shewstones with his clasped hands resting on the book like he has always been there. If there was any residual antagonism from yesterday’s forced appearance, he was not displaying it. I realized I did not know when I had closed my eyes.
“[O Patient Caller], have you any further words about why I should grant you access via the Hierophant card?”
«No. I have none.» Continue reading “Do Magick: Day 23 – Turn”