No more excuses. I need to start tying up loose ends before I get caught and strangled by them. I reached out to [Merciful Mother] Mary and asked permission to enter Binah for a proper run across the Path of Daleth that she described as ascending the holy mountain to meet her husband. (She is, and she is not Mary, and there’s a lot that I understand that I am not willing to talk about in public.) I had made a half-hearted attempt the other day, and I deserved the standstill I was brought to.
But because reasons, I understand this is much more important than I understood at first, and if I am going to proceed with other important goals in my life, I needed to complete this one along the way.
I entered her sphere and admitted my intentions. She pointed out the things that were keeping me from taking advantage of my gifts and asked what allowed me the grace to continue. Continue reading Another Knot in the Path
Hail Mary, Queen of Heaven.
Holy Light, cloaked with stars.
Sustaining Love that warms fading embers.
Hail Mary, Queen of Sorrow.
Holy Tears that purify the waters.
Mourning hands washing my heart clean.
Hail Mary, Queen of Hope.
Holy Mother, holding my hand.
Sweet encouragement lifting me with the sunrise.
Remember my suspicions that “my” [Merciful Mother] Mary was something else wearing that face so I could interact with her and without fear?
All the clues about her identity was written publicly. It just took sifting through two years of scattered shitposts to put them together. (The final clue was her insistence I meet her husband atop the burning holy mountain.) Continue reading Dream Journal: 2016-11-23.01
The black rosary appeared in my left hand, wrapped loosely around my fingers. The spectral breeze carried the scent of fresh sweet water.
“Not yet, Mary. I’m to the Hanged Man in that deck, and I still have cards I could confuse with you left to confront. When I am finally able to give you and… your husband… my attention, I want it to be in full and complete.”
I closed my left hand on nothing and the breeze stopped.
That she is giving me space when my ancestors are not is indicative of something, but what the fuck do I know about spiritual things. -sigh-
When I wasn’t being tempted to do the thing I was told not to do, I put together the clues I have about the holy mountain I saw and why it is so important that I ascend it.
Well, I did say I wanted a blasphemy. Continue reading Dream Journal: 2016-05-23.01
The other part of the night was spent wrestling with my anger. I found myself [dressed a certain way], standing on a cliff overlooking an agitated sea. In my left hand, the rosary of Mary’s covenant was tightly gripped. In my right hand, the shenanigans rosary was loosely wrapped.
And I was screaming. Continue reading Dream Journal: 2015-07-24.02
I went back.
Not because she called me. She didn’t.
Not because she forced me. She didn’t.
Because she asked me. So I went. Continue reading Heaven, Sorrow, & Hope
Called forth/out by Merciful Mother Mary and I step into a place of water so pure, it smells sweet because I’m used to bitter tap water. (The scent of water around her is also one of the biggest tells.)
She reaches out with her hand and what I did next is still fucking with me.
I took her hand with both of mine, sank to my knees, kissed her hand in greeting, and called her the Queen of Heaven with an attitude of adoration so sincere, it terrified me. (That she accepted the wor… adoration without correcting me is not helping.)
I am so far away from anything I was taught about Christianity, I’m questioning if she is who I have been led to believe.
I think this would be a good time for a temper tantrum. Yes. Lemme throw some shit and some words and get all this out my system now because I’m not going to have time for it later.
Besides, what followed was so intense I may not be able to fully unpack it. MMMary is gentle, even when she’s not.
Angels. I counted eight before their combined glory dropped me to my knees. If more appeared, I was unable to see them. I sensed no harmful intent towards me, but I had been dealing with some shit before they arrived, and those wounds were still raw. I raised a hand up to my face in a futile attempt to shield my eyes from the glare. Remembering that I’m not in the physical world, I allowed myself a chuckle as I covered my face. Continue reading Dream Journal: 2014-10-09.01
I can’t see her, but I know she’s there. I can smell the unmistakable scent of pure water, and there is an actively serene atmosphere about me. I want to relax here. I know I’m safe. Of all entities I’ve faced, I know I’m safe here, with her.
But the wounds of my evisceration are still slowly healing. No more glass has grown, but I am still removing the symbols of other people’s ideas and words that I have internalized to my detriment. This is going to take a while.
“Forgive me, Madre Maria, but I haven’t it in me to be up to any shenanigans today.” Continue reading Dream Journal: 2014-09-07.01