In my time honored tradition of avoiding one problematic thing by immersing myself in another one, I made another attempt to pass the flames of the Path of Daleth again. I reckoned that if the angelic blessing was going to be dumped on my head willing or not, I might as well take advantage of it.
I did not think I would be able to transition to Binah. The headspace is different. The awareness is different. Sometimes I make it, but what I bring back is in an incomprehensible language that I only have the feelings of but can’t transmit the memory of in any humanly comprehensible way.
I was surprised to open my eyes and not only find myself standing on the waters of Binah, but to be softly glowing myself as well.
Mary was waiting for me. Continue reading “Dream Journal: 2017-04-20.01”
I made the necessary preparations and carved out the minimally required number of hours in solitude. I was going to go up that holy mountain tonight, dammit. Every part of me was singing one part of a duet and I knew the only way to complete the harmony was to go.
So I went. Continue reading “Dream Journal: 2017-04-18.01”
Last night was going to be the night I make my next formal attempt to scale the Holy Mountain. Self work that I thought was going to be just a couple nights of wishful thinking and patting myself on the back for being so daring and explorative had turned into weeks of rescuing my shattered and forgotten soul pieces from the past, present, and implied threats from the future.
I had forgotten all about ascending the Holy Mountain, to be honest, as another desire arose with the recovered pieces to take priority over the expression of pride I had mistaken for progress.
Unity. Continue reading “Spirit Journal: 2017-04-15.01”
I understand now that neither Will nor Knowledge will get me past the flames. The answer is Desire and the lust must be for Union.
If I give up, nothing really changes. This is a Bastard Path anyway and none of this is “real”.
If I persist, if I ascend the Holy Mountain past that point, I will be altered yet again, and by a process that terrifies me.
I haven’t decided yet.
No more excuses. I need to start tying up loose ends before I get caught and strangled by them. I reached out to [Merciful Mother] Mary and asked permission to enter Binah for a proper run across the Path of Daleth that she described as ascending the holy mountain to meet her husband. (She is, and she is not Mary, and there’s a lot that I understand that I am not willing to talk about in public.) I had made a half-hearted attempt the other day, and I deserved the standstill I was brought to.
But because reasons, I understand this is much more important than I understood at first, and if I am going to proceed with other important goals in my life, I needed to complete this one along the way.
I entered her sphere and admitted my intentions. She pointed out the things that were keeping me from taking advantage of my gifts and asked what allowed me the grace to continue. Continue reading “Another Knot in the Path”
In a long standing tradition of doing one onerous task to distract myself from another onerous task, I actually attempted to climb that damn holy mountain (Path of Daleth).
So a funny thing happened on the way to enlightenment…
All I remember is being curled up in a fetal position on the flooded “ground” of Binah, my head in Mary’s lap, as I cried for ages unable to recover any semblance of “level headed maturity”.
It was a good cry.
I think I needed that. Because reasons.
So while I was impatiently waiting for work to be done today so I could get home and bleed another memory onto the blog, I had a flash vision of myself, seated daintily on a boulder on the side of a very tall and very dark mountain, holding something like a small mirror at arm’s length while I looked at my visage this way and that. Continue reading “Dream Journal: 2016-12-30.01”
“I am very concerned that you continue to refer to yourself as unclean.” Continue reading “Dream Journal: It Never Left”