I’m missing a crucial component of my personal seal. The seal is based on a circle within a circle, to represent the Innermost Self and the Outer Self. The framework for the Outer Self is done. Try as I might, I cannot scribe anything to my satisfaction representing the Innermost Self. This afternoon, I take a nap in the hopes that I will become lucid and explore the problem from a different point of view.
~~~
I see before me great sheets of paper. To my delight, I have stepped directly to the landscape where an unseen man was teaching me geometry. My Geometry Teacher once again is showing me Arcs, Angles, and Lines. I watch as he scribes out the framework I have already developed for the seal. He tells me I may have to use a protractor to complete the seal, to mark off certain angles if I do not develop/remember how to do so with only compass and ruler.
He pulls another sheet of paper before me. His smooth deep voice asks, “Remember the vesica?” Yes! I do!
He points to the empty space in the center of the seal. The circle within the circle that represents my Inner Self. “Draw one there, using the instructions I showed you.” I start, but before putting stylus to paper, I pull back.
“Sir, you showed me how to draw it using the diameter as the distance between the two side circles. But, shouldn’t it have been done using the radius as the distance between the centers?” I did remember enough from my migraine addled dream to look it up once my sanity had returned. I found inconsistencies between his directions and the general consensus.
I do not see my teacher’s face (I never have), but I can feel him smiling at me. He doesn’t answer me, but waits silently for me to continue. Checking his directions was part of the lesson, it would seem.
I create a vesica, of the proper size for the intended circle, and transcribe it to the seal. Scribing it within the Innermost circle, using the compass to place it squarely center.
The vesica suddenly glows, and a series of lines appear outside it and inside it. In the flash, I see the light has revealed a hexagon around the vesica and a pentagon within it. The two polygons were drawn in light. As fast as I recognize the shapes, the light fades.
The inner circle and the vesica change on the paper. The lines shimmer, then pops out and becomes a three dimensional figure that I recognize but can not detail here. It is a shape that makes me very uncomfortable.
I shake my head. “That is not me.”
“Not yet, and already was.” My teacher’s voice is fading, I know the dream is coming to an end. “I can not solve this for you, I can only show you the tools you need to complete this yourself.”
The dream fades. Teacher, papers, stylus, and seal fades into warm darkness. The floating three dimensional figure that was the vesica and inner circle still remains. It flashes brightly and a sharp sound like breaking glass comes from it.
The figure crystallizes and becomes a faceted jewel. One that I recognize and know intimately. My face freezes in fear as I confront a symbol of the madness and insanity I suffered through for half of my life.
But now, I understand. I accept what I was, and the person I have developed into. I pluck the jewel from mid air and feel it settling into my innermost.
The warm darkness envelops me and I dissolve into it.
~~~
I now have enough of the framework for the seal to begin constructing it in earnest. I still do not have all the details to complete the seal, but as I construct what I do have, I am confident the rest will come to me. If I wait for everything to finish, I’ll never start. I have to start where I am now, painful truths and all.