I had a nice, long, multiple paged monster of a post typed out here. Really explored my magic style and how different influences have changed it over the years.
Nuked the whole thing, intentionally.
Seeing it written down in concise black and white really highlights how much wishful thinking it is. I really don’t want to see that right now. <delete>
Towards the end of it, I really exposed a lot of my soft and vulnerable spots. My strangling tentacled doubt really took hold here. I can’t even spell “Malkuth” without double checking, and here I am, expounding on the nuances of Yesod and how it relates to my dreamwalking. <delete>
Writing all of it down really exposed how little I know and how naive I am about all things esoteric. While my path works pretty damn well for me thus far, holding it up to the scalding light of others destroys it like ants in a magnified sun beam. <delete>
So I’m just going to throw this little pissant mopey post out there in a vain attempt to justify the four hours I have wasted.
I should just write about what I know best. Dreams. Leave the magick to the magick workers.
Comments
2 responses to “Nothing To See Here, Nothing Exposed”
Nothing is wasted, nothing is in vain. That's wishful thinking!
I'd say you have a wonderful head, but's it's still not a place to get stuck in. You've still got too much of the critical in there. Write it all! Edit it later, maybe before you post it.
If you want to get into doubt for awhile, it's ok. You said you discovered your vulnerabilities. I periodically put my very core beliefs and identity into question. It's a scary place to be, but afterwards very validating. Crone Priceless says, "Catching yourself is the most fun you'll ever have."
Oh yes … And the gems are buried in the muck!
I'm working on it.