Dream Journal: 2016-05-12.01

It hit while I was at work. My attention was split and one part of me was updating logs and mailing response packets while the other part of me was [back in formerly forgotten territory].

When the vision didn’t end quickly, I excused myself and locked myself in the bathroom. The singing in my blood drowned out the eager air conditioner roar as I braced myself against the wall and forced myself to hold fast and not be swept up in [what else] I was seeing in the vision. Continue reading “Dream Journal: 2016-05-12.01”

Vision: I Walked Away

(This vision occurred in early 2002. My mindset has changed since then. However, I still remember how I was then, and will write this from that point of view. It’s dominating my thoughts again, and I write it down to contain it.)

Classes were over early for the day. Don’t go to work until late tonight. Time for study. Home was too hectic with all the drama, so I went to a church friend’s coffee shop. I knew the morning rush was done, and the afternoon rush was still two hours off.

Two hours of uninterrupted study. That’s worth the price of a medium mocha. Continue reading “Vision: I Walked Away”

I, Eye

The iris of the Eye of Horus is colors, flashing colors, and the inverse of colors. The pupil of the Eye of Horus is always the inverse of the iris.

I look upon it and the splendor forces me to look away let I am destroyed by the gaze. I look upon it again with my eyes, and again the splendor forces my eyes to the ground. I leave my eyes behind, and can look upon the Eye of Horus clearly. Once I leave my blinded eyes behind, I see my Eye is Blue.
Continue reading “I, Eye”

Dream: So Many Mysteries

Would you believe I have a hard time keeping a magical diary? I found I had so little to write about. Me, not having anything to write. Heh. That may change in the near future.

Earlier this morning, I had the sudden vision of a yoni in the shape of a vesica. Don’t ask me how I knew it was a yoni, I just knew. The sight was overwhelming and it triggered a short lasting fit. I promptly forgot all about it.

Several hours later, feeling “not quite here”, I found myself having another fit and decided to lay down and sleep it off.

Laying down, I used a mental image of the seal’s framework to have something to focus on while getting the rest of my mind to shut the fuck up and take a quick nap. The image suddenly flashed with brilliant colors and I lost all sensation of being connected to my physical self. Neither awake, nor asleep, I surrendered to the hypnagogic state and released myself to whatever mysteries unfolded.

~~~ Continue reading “Dream: So Many Mysteries”

Vision: Of Jupiter & Mars

Greeting Sol this morning, basking in the sunshine while offering my adorations, I felt a distinct presence behind me. In a sudden moment of vision, the presence of Jupiter coldly stared at me.

“You’ve been running again. Stop that. If you act in Fear, you will only harm yourself. If you act in Love, you will grow regardless of results.”

Fixated by the sun’s rays, I could not turn to face the planet’s presence. But I had to ask. “What am I running from?”

“Your anger.”

“I have a fierce temper, I try to keep it locked down.” The scars on my knuckles speak volumes.

“No, you run from it in Fear of harming others. Confront your Fear.” The inaudible voice is cool and calm.

“And how might I do that?”

“There is help, you have only to ask.” The presence of Jupiter fades. Before me, somewhat offset of the sun, I feel another planetary presence bloom. Mars.

Oh hell. Talk about fighting fire with fire. This should be an interesting day.

Vision: Behind Door #1

(This vision was experienced October 2007. It has remained with me to this day and has been a pivotal event. How greatly different would my life had been, if I chose not to open Door #1.)

Long live lazy Saturday afternoons! And what a delightful afternoon this particular one was. Partly cloudy, cool, quiet. My window open to allow the autumn chill to play with the light blanket. Mmmm. I’m so damn lazy right now, even thinking about how lazy I am is too much work.

Neither sleep nor awake. I’m aware but not active. I don’t want to get up, but my mind is starting to turn restlessly. Too bad I don’t have a boyfriend to distract me. Oh, there is a distraction! One delightful daydream, coming up!

Continue reading “Vision: Behind Door #1”

Vision: Supplication

A recurring vision:

I see myself before me. She (for my point of view is not at my vision-self) is facing away from me (my point of view). I’m behind her, a few feet, off to the right. She is usually dressed in whatever clothing I was dressed in before the vision overtakes me. She is standing, with her hands held before her chest, palms pressed together. It appears she is praying. Her eyes are open.

I have the sense that she is standing in a sacred place. But where and of what type, I do not see. It could be a forest clearing, a marble floor, a sandy beach. I only know that where she is, has been set apart. (But not necessarily ‘holy’.)

She suddenly shifts her weight. The right leg shifts slightly behind. She starts to descend to one knee. As she drops, her hands rise, separates, and moves apart, usually remains at her shoulders’ level. Sometimes her hands drop down, held away from her body. Her head drops, giving the impression she is bearing a great invisible weight upon her shoulders. Her eyes close, and her face settles into serene bliss.

But she is showing submission. Her body posture declares that she is a servant to the one (those?) she is facing. She is physically speaking that she is a tool available to be used.

Sometimes, I see offerings in her hands. Bowls of flowers. Garlands hanging off her fingers. Bowls of flame. Platters with lit candles. Beer. Bowls with water or with milk. Sometimes the bowls are empty. She holds them out, neither expecting nor asking for them to be filled, but rather showing how empty she has poured herself out for the object of her attention.

The vision ends with her in this supplicant position. I never see to who or to what she is making her supplications. I never see anything other than her. The lighting surrounding us is clear when I look at her, but completely obscures anything other than her. The color changes from each vision to the next. It ranges from pink-tinged white, to a gentle salmon pink, to a delicate baby blue. Never any shade of green. Never any shade of purple or crimson. Never fades to, or from, grey or black.

The total (real) time spent in the vision is maybe 2 seconds. The amount of time that passes within the vision, about 2 minutes.

This is ~not~ normal behaviour for me. Not anymore. During my Christian days, I did a lot of “floor time” in the church’s sanctuary. As a female, there were many (voluntary) moments of visual submission before pastor & congregation. And while each time, I would be bidden to rise and stand, I still had to endure being Less Than Everyone Else because of my gender and (lack of) marital status. If I kneel before anyone now, it is because I won’t stand for anyone’s shit. (Read: I don’t kneel for anyone.)

I have no altar. There is no temple or sacred space that I have access to. I have no idols, totems, or physical representation of the Powers I adore. This vision confuses me. I have tried to take on this position during times of solitude. The anger that overtakes me is scary. When I read the interview of Galina Krasskova by Kenaz Filan, the vision came over me so strongly, I was utterly disoriented when it ended.

The vision now demands to be written, and shared. And so I have. Make of it, what you may.

Journal: May 8, 2010, 12:45. Venus

The vision incurred by stepping where I had no business to.

Venus, Bright Star of Heaven, Glory of Womanhood! She did embrace me completely and sweep me up into her wake. As Hathor did I speak the words of Venus. She draped her light about my arms as a feathered cloak, and the Uraeus upon my head did become a headdress of 18 snakes draped over head and shoulders. As Hathor, did I open my mouth and speak:

(Before my eyes, I saw a vision of multitudes of heavy chains)
The Woman is bound! Release Her!
(A vision of a healthy naked, black skinned woman, bound in heavy chains. The weight prevents her from rising off her knees, but she struggles against them fiercely and with determination.)
Her path is not yours to decide.
Undo Her fetters completely!
If She moves, it is by Her will.
If She remains, it is by Her will.
(The vision moves to Her face, it is familiar to me. Her skin is black as darkest night. Her eyes glow with power and the iris is silver. The face grimaces in simmering anger.)
She shall be free. One way or another.
It will be better for you, that you release Her.
For if She releases Herself, She will destroy you completely.
Free the Woman bound!

The form of Hathor-Venus lifts off of me. I saw Her standing before me, Her arms outstretched over me. “The words are spoken. Depart.”

The vision ends abruptly, I scramble for journal and pencil and write all I saw before the memory fades. I note the time, what felt like 5 minutes of experience had been 45 minutes of passing.