Warning: Keri is full on bitching and ranting. Proceed at your own risk.
“If you don’t want your sacred cow roasted, don’t let it wander the Internet.”
“There will always be someone that claims to know more than you do, is eager to show how much more, and will do their damndest to convince you that orb of polished shit is really gold.”
“Once you post something, it’s not yours anymore. It will be abused, dissected, and remade and there is nothing you can do about it.”
“There will always be someone that thinks you’re full of shit, and will make it their life’s purpose to expose you publicly. You can either engage them, and allow them to drag you down into the mire, or ignore them, and continue doing as you are doing. Notice ‘shutting them up’ is not an option.”
Pieces of advice I received when I started blogging and broadcasting the posts. Sadly, I’ve seen those four sentiments justified. There’s a fifth I’d like to add to the list.
“The more of your personal self you expose, the more others will try take ownership of you. God have mercy on you if you make a decision they don’t approve, or worse, refuse their advice!”
I’d like to address that. Now.
Some of my dream accounts are written true, that is, how I dreamt it is how I wrote it. Many are not. Names are changed, descriptions are left vague, and whole scenes have been redacted. Considering my dream accounts also double as my “magic diary” and “spiritual journal”, I’m not always forthcoming about the details. Those that need to know the details, are informed privately.
Silly me, I thought that was obvious.
Recent missives (some anon, some made anon for this post) have betrayed otherwise.
In the past several weeks, I’ve had several well-meaning readers try to interpret my dreams for me. Even though I’ve told them that there was information intentionally withheld. I publish the dreams, not as a request for help, but as a means of practicing my writing, and a source of entertainment.
So, to you guise, I appreciate the offer of help, and I am thankful you guise understand why I refuse to disclose more than what I have already written.
Now, for you other folk.
“I had this exact same dream last year month week night and that means we are part of a Sisterhood of Super Witches!” No. Also, did you notice in my reply that the dream you are referencing has been edited for public consumption? In other words, it’s not. And we’re not.
“I have been looking for my Feminine Counterpart to complete my online and astral circle. You are the one, but you do not know it yet. I can complete your memory.” Did you start by looking up your ass? I’m sure no physical vagina will be able to compete with the perfection you’re shitting.
“Your troubles started when you abandoned Loki.” Stop. Right. The. Fuck. There. I didn’t want to drag this into the open, but I guess I can’t avoid it. Yes, for some time, I counted Loki as lover and master. Then a willful blindness was revealed. I wrote briefly about it, then walked away from all public conversation. Those that read me carefully will now note a certain rudeness from me towards him if I speak of him publicly. I will not explain why, this is between me and Loki. (Note: Not between me and Loki’s followers, this grudge is fucking personal.)
“Your vision of the One True God still affects you after all these years! Don’t you see your chasing after demons is why you still suffer! That you remember that vision means it’s not too late for you! Return to the True God and denounce the demons that deceive you!” Seriously? Seriously. ~facepalm~ I can’t even laugh at this anymore. It’s just too damn stupid. When I walked away, I went from fearing Jehovah, to denying Jehovah, to militantly deriding Christians for a False God, to realizing Jehovah is a legitimate deity but not on the level his PR teams would want, to recognizing two Jehovahs. Jehovah the deity, and Jehovah the egregore. The former is pretty cool and laid back. The latter can eat a bowl of needled dicks. I’m not afraid of either one, now.
Now… to get personal. I’ve tried saying this privately, but it’s not coming across, so I’m going to say it publicly since I know the two of you (yes, you’re not the only one that is trying to rule over me, again) are reading this blog religiously.
Just because you may know much of the back story to the dreams, does not give you right to insert yourself into them. Especially after being told repeatedly, “I am my own.”, and “There are things I haven’t told you, that I won’t tell you, and you need to stop this wild speculation right now.”. If you have taken a hard look at our shared history, you should have seen that I’ve been pulling back from many influences. You included. I know how you feel about me. You’ve made it plain. And after what happened, I should, by all rights, still be kicking your gonads into various non-gonad locations. But out of my madness, I’ve given you a second chance. Stop fucking it up. Realize you will not be as deeply integrated into my life as you once were. Realize that I have reconstructed my life, and my available time, to best benefit me. I will not be at your beck and call. I will not be dropping whatever plan I had that day to spend it with you, in person, online, or on the phone, simply because you rang me up. Yes, I am holding secrets from you. And not just because I’m female, but because there are some things that I do not want to talk to you about. I’ve had to do a lot of soul-searching lately. I’ve had to shake off that attitude that had been beaten into me by family and circumstance. I had to stop acting the child in need of a parent to make decisions for me. I had to stop acting helpless and start saving myself. I had to grow the fuck up and realize what “boundaries” are. I suggest you do the latter, because you’re really starting to piss me the fuck off.
And Loki isn’t here to choke my leash anymore.